Just Observing…

It’s Saturday, the first Saturday of 2019, and I’m in bed

I’ve been laying here on my phone for over 2 hours now.

I’ve had a funny chat about dreams with my amazing creative accountability buddies, wished a friend happy birthday, bought a couple new online professional development courses and read up on my personal numerology for this coming year.

I thought about getting up to do my Sadhana, but haven’t actually moved yet.

Can you blame me though?

View of my bedroom from my bed

It’s dark, cool and quiet

My king size bed has a topper and feather bed… And 6 pillows.

I do not make it easy on myself!

Did someone say comfort addict??

It probably comes as no suprise that discipline is the #1 personal development challenge for this contentedly sensual Taurus.

I absolutely LOVE doing nothing

I am never bored.

I am constantly fascinated and intrigued.

It could be how a piece of fabric feels bruising my fingers as I trace each clothing rack lightly while walking through a store, or the way the combination of my polarized sunglasses and the tint on my sister’s car windows turns the big blue Colorado sky into rainbows – but I’m always discovering something marvelous with my senses.

I take my time.

I make things have meaning for myself, and it’s a marvelous way to live.

But… That also means I struggle when I can’t take my time to make my meaning.

For years this has meant dissapointment after dissapointment with regards to my goals

I just wanted to be “better.”

I thought if I could “fix” myself and just become more task or result oriented I would be a more successful person, one who isn’t constantly battling against themselves and their goals.

Unsurprisingly, I failed.

Every time I have tried to solve my problems by trying to force myself into systems created by others, I fail spectacularly.

Yet here I am, still in bed, smiling.

My kitteh babeh Lucas is enjoying our lazy morning too

And it’s not just because of Mr. Fluffy Cutie Boots above either.

Thinking back over this past week

It’s the fact that I have done my Sadhana every morning, despite my comfy bed.

It’s the fact that I took all of December to find a gentle way to wake up early.

It’s the fact that as of tomorrow I will have successfully completed my first week of posts for this blog.

It’s all the little things I’m doing to redefine success for myself.

Because, if success means I don’t get to lay-in with my kitteh babehs or sensually feel into my moments, I’m not sure I really want it anyway.

My success will be holistic and sustainable, for ME

I may never be the person who jumps out of bed in the morning, but I can celebrate the fact that I have a big comfortable bed every morning – and I do.

Perhaps taking my time and making my meaning doesn’t have to be in opposition to my own personalized discipline.

Maybe my discipline looks more like learning how to gently wake up early and snuggle kitties before the time I actually need to be doing my Sadhana.

And I’m okay with that.

Actually, I LOVE it!

Sammi is the best snuggler

So today, that’s what optimal mastery means to me.

Taking my time.

Making my meaning.

Doing my Sadhana – eventually…

3 thoughts on “Just Observing…”

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