Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.
– Epictetus, Stoic Philosopher
I’d say it’s been an interesting week, but I’d have to say it’s been an interesting life, an interesting day and even an interesting hour. What I am feeling now is not an isolated experience for me. The fuzzy in-between space of eclectic choices is something I know well.
Going with the ever-changing flow
Today I was planning on attending the conscious play party I had mentioned in a previous post, but I had a scheduling conflict with my new stoicism course and ultimately my intellectual curiosity won out over my other, baser curiosities. Suppose that’s another obstacle one faces as a sapiosexual: knowledge, exploration, learning, discovery, adventure and novelty always call to me. The more complex, the more applicable and the more potential to lead to even greater opportunities to learn, the better!
I’ve been deeply invested in my personal development these past few weeks – but again, that’s true of the past months, years and even decades. My obsession with progress has taken many forms and the more I discover, the more I find I have to learn. However, today in my Mastermind Group call we did a “spiritual business plan” exercise and I was pleasantly surprised to find my purpose not only apparent, but shining brightly through the work I’m doing on myself, as well as creatively and professionally, and ultimately what I hope to accomplish with this life.
Identifying my personal Maxim
We are all responsible for our own magick
It all boils down to spiritual alchemy for me. “SPIRITUAL ALCHEMY THROUGH ART, EXPERIENCE AND EXPRESSION,” to be precise about the notes I chicken scratched across my notebook with mostly closed eyes this morning. Yes, it’s about taking courses on Stoic Philosophy to learn more “cool stuff” but it’s also about exploring emotional resiliency and how hard wire my brain for tranquillity and gratitude even in the face of worst possible scenarios. It’s about observing and learning in order to not only become better myself, but also to contribute to the betterment of my entire world.
Despite the differences, it always comes back to the same thing for me
Maybe I’m not simply a poly-sapio-pansexual individual either. Maybe the desire I have to extend and explore the expanses of love, generosity and affection is also traced back to this inherent feeling of alchemal purpose. Perhaps I experience these spaces of possibility as another form of education for my soul.
In these ways, I feel that conscious play parties are no less important for my development than stoic resiliency. Even though today the disproportionate financial investments made the discision easy for me, I have every faith I’ll have more opportunities to continue exploring. At least I have every faith that I will continue exploring, regardless of what opportunities I have or do not have.
The enjoyment on the other side of fear
I can get caught up worrying about dissapointing people and consequently, I am afraid to make decisions sometimes. Yet, on the other side of my fear is my ability to step into my purpose and express my truth confidently. By simply aligning with my purpose, what’s important naturally becomes clear.
Stoic theory encourages living in accordance with nature, going with the flow and developing amor fati, or a “love for one’s fate.” Undoubtedly my interests in these teachings will continue to help me further understand and discover my nature, only encouraging my journey of authenticity even more. I have no doubts that regardless of the intricacies of my smaller choices, my patterns are dependable.
There is consistancy in my desire for change
Within myself I have a truth, an expression, a unique fragmentation and powerful refraction of the divine whole. I am a seeker, a learner and a discoverer, but I am also an alchemist and healer. I explore in order to learn so that I can apply and refine knowledge in an effort to synthesize information into an optimized system of progressive application for the metaphysical benefit of all existence… What my mind, spirit, soul and heart are constantly working towards is complex and confusing, even to me, but fortunately I don’t have to worry about doing what comes naturally to me.
Now, to learn how to stop judging myself for those things and stop trying to go against my nature or the external forces of nature in order to become what I am not or control what I have no control over… That’s the challenge I plan to face on my Stoic Quest. Getting back to that prized stoic tranquility will require unlearning some difficult and painful lessons, but I have every faith that with practice these too will become more easy and effortless. For now, I am content to ponder, and to allow that space of my unknowing to work the magick of my calling.