Sitting at my desk in the Orientation and Transition Programs office of Colorado State University, I browsed StumbleUpon intermittently between my office management duties and planning my transfer mentor activities and meetings. I clicked through an endless stream of beautiful pictures and funny videos, as well as the occasional article… For all intents and purposes, I was wasting time.
However, one of those unassuming days nearly a half-dozen years ago, I stumbled across something that would ultimately change my life: High Existence. This progressive, philosophy filled, mind-bending and spirit-evoking website reached out to me from the endless abyss of the world wide web and gave me hope… There were other people out there asking weird questions and exploring the infinity of possibility!?
Not for lack of doubting
Today, I received word that MY first article written for High Existence has been published. The amount of honor and gratitude I feel are astronomical.
When I was asked to write for the website a couple months ago, I was absolutely elated – but this feeling is something else entirely. There’s a weight of accomplishment accompanying it that far exceeds the final word count of the article…
Indeed, it was months ago that I was given the opportunity to write for HE. Despite studying creative writing in university, writing online professionally before and even writing every day for years, it took serious time for me to write this piece.
After the initial shock and awe wore off, I was terrified. I was confronted by my limiting beliefs, self-doubt and self-sabotage… I got one topic approved, wrote an article and then another, so dissatisfied and insecure – I eventually trashed the entire topic and all those efforts in order to avoid complete, self-inflicted burnout and overwhelm.
The published article did come from my second approved topic, but it was still the third conceptualization of that idea. Even after finally submitting it, I still hadn’t shaken all of my doubts and fears about it’s content and quality. Yet – here it is today, live for myself and the entire internet to see: Dymistifying Magick.
My article on the front page of High Existence 🙏
A global tribe; a universal family
The absolute truth is that without the support and encouragement of my creativity coach Jordan Bates, the accountability and inspiration of my fellow creative muses Maria and Mayella, the love and community of our Apotheosis family as well as the guidance of the High Existence team, I would not have succeeded in overcoming my personal dialogs of self-depreciation. This article is a tribute to each and every one of these incredible world changers.
It is also a love letter to any soul seeking the incredibly blessed (high)existence that I have found because of this website. How privilaged, that I might offer the same hope that I experienced all those years ago to others through my own words.
It may have started with just curiosity, just a small bit of hope, but that seemingly “wasted” time that led me to discovering HE has become some of the most profoundly meaningful time I’ve ever spent in my life. That boredom-fulled curiosity ultimately freed my soul, nourished my spirit, challenged my mind, comforted my heart and impassioned my life… My curiosity led me HOME.
Beyond all my wildest expectations
This time last year I was preparing to attend Apotheosis 1.0 in Costa Rica. I had seen that HE was offering a retreat and simply had to apply – very few things have felt so necessary in my life.
I was accepted to attend and I almost couldn’t believe it. I was finally going to meet these like-spirited people I’d been reading articles from for all these years. My excitement wasn’t quantifiable or understandable, even by me, yet it could have never been a sufficient match for the amount of blessing I was about to receive.
Apotheosis changed my life (my next article I’m working on for HE goes into this in depth). Apotheosis hasn’t stopped changing my life… Even this blog is a result of that retreat (and of that fateful internet browsing all those years back).
The relationships I developed at 1.0 and then further nurtured at the second retreat in Amsterdam last fall, the vulnerability and support of this incredible community, the accessibility and grace of the HE team and retreat facilitators… My gratitude and astonishment are beyond words… I have been given so much by something I could have just as easily ignored.
And so, I’d like to leave you with a challenge: dare to let life surprise you with its blessings – follow your curiosity, take risks and trust in your soul’s authentic journey. You never know which small things will the biggest differences.