sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be a normal woman
to be able to have children
I wonder – if I could than maybe I would want to
maybe I would feel giddy like other girls do when they see a baby

perhaps I would want to hold them and play with them like they do


I knew I wasn’t a girl before I knew I couldn’t have kids
I suppose now I feel I’m something of a woman
I’ll never really be either
I’m the not-understandable and the unspeakable
a thing with no name of sorts – it’s all a spectrum anyway
I don’t even know what I think about femininity, honestly it’s probably all just a game
people always playing by someone’s rules
might as well make my own if I have to play
so maybe I am rough, and dark, and sometimes mean

but I’m also the sweetest, a powder-puff, a Queen


apparently, I can make anything sexual – is that the cost of taking reproduction away?
it’s all about pleasure and I look for it everywhere
in the end I’m extremely glad to have a vagina
and a mind powerful enough to make me cum –

clit so sensitive I can get off on a hum


sexuality is considered aggressive, combative
please – I’m just having fun on my own
the furthest thing from causing pain
I’m creating pleasure – I am human after all
why must my joy be so threatening?
I didn’t know how to masturbate until I was twenty three

since that time I’ve been much happier

pleasure considered such a dirty thing to the people who raised me

never talked about in any of the churches I was dragged to on Sundays

they did mention fathers stoning their dishonorable daughters to death though


I may never have children, unless I adopt
I’ve been told I’m good with kids anyway –
I may not know what it’s like to be a normal woman
yet I know love, and that’s all I hope for anyone: to take care of someone, and to dare for someone –

even if that person ends up being yourself and the people hunting you are desperate because you don’t fit inside the comforts of their limited understanding

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