random, Thoughts

Failing, Sp3cT4cul4RLy

No video today. I did not get to it. I was too busy enjoying a much-needed break from the norm…

My hunny took me out for dinner and a comedy show – sort of an early birthday celebration. He brought cake too. Ice cream cake! Which is important…

I’m not used to that… I’m not used to being catered to or especially considered. My family loves me, and I’m grateful for all the ways they show that – but I’m the big sister, the oldest granddaughter… Perhaps it’s not entirely right of me but I easily differ to the preferences of my younger sisters, mom, grandma and even cousins, aunts and uncles at times.

It’s exhausting. It’s confusing and best of all, it’s not actually my shit – I just take it on. I can be considerate to a fault. I sometimes try to take on other people’s problems, which is never a good idea.

I was worst about my younger sisters in middle school/high school at the peak of my depression and anxiety. Now I find my control-freak tendencies get triggered by my grandmother and the stresses of her various inter-familial relationships… Sometimes struggling to know the level of involvement or distance is appropriate – always dancing an invisible line.

Tonight wasn’t like that though… I didn’t feel like H.W. was trying to solve my problems for me or get over-involved in my responsibilities. No… He just opened up another door, and took me on a pleasant detour for a few hours, allowing the self-inflicted stress to melt away with my distracted laughter.

I am grateful. I am learning…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s