A breeze tickling the peach fuzz on the back of my neck
Yet, it cannot be
Indoors, the windows all shut up. No fan on and no one’s breath but my own to move upon my body
Still, I feel it
A ghost of lover past? A memory contained within the fabric of my cells?
Somehow, a reality
Nerves flare, skin becomes more aware and I swear that someone is watching me
Could it be?
Blinds are closed and besides, the roads are far and long to get to here
But when I close my eyes –
I smell him: hot caramel sand, sticky fresh fruit and an island breeze floating up off of an ocean current
I don’t even know this man
I feel him: firm hands and strong arms framing my figure as I drape myself across his tall silhouette
Are we dancing?
If only I could see beyond these walls and trees to where he surely waits for me
No other explanation –
His soul is permeating the distance, distorting moments, bending our current realities –
How else?
I’m neither here, nor there
Yet, we’re getting closer
I could disappear into the sensation, allow the fantasy to overcome me
Dissolve into the fantastic of our reality

The wind is blowing hard again
on this quiet mountain day
Pushing the sleepy trees around
sometimes violently
The old house creaks and moans
drafts winding their ways all through it
Still, somehow the unsettled tousle
makes it feel even more like home
Cats purring silently to themselves
if I hold my breath I hear it
Chimes singing freely just outside –
What a delightfully lazy symphony
What could I add but my breaths unlabored?
My happy heart beating to the rhythm of love –
for what could I ask in a world so wondrous
for what could I lack in this moment at all?

You sit on your ass
You sit until your legs go numb
You shift your weight and sit
First leaning to the right
Then leaning to the left
You fidget a little, squirming
But you still sit, mostly still
Like your waiting for the one
A moment that changes everything
All will fall into place: then
Not only will you not want to sit
But you won’t sit anymore
Even if you do want to
Some days, you sit like you need a good reason not to
You move about fast
You move so fast and so quickly
You tackle a to-do and move
Onto the next priority
Then onto the next task
You’re anxious a little, sweating
But you still go, go, go
Like you’ll make it somewhere
Better than right now or here
All will come together: there
Not only will you not want to move
But you won’t move anymore
Even if you do want to
Some days, you move like you have no good reason not to
But, then some days
You’re caught in the middle
You feel stuck when you move
You feel manic while you sit
Everything you do feels wrong
You stop believing what’s “right”
Some days you lose yourself
You can’t be found on the couch
You don’t recognize your to do list
This can’t be your life, it doesn’t fit
Ego dissolves and you’re left questioning
What’s worth it? What is worth? What is?
Falling down rabbit holes again
Some days, your very existence and all reason stop making sense