I’m sitting, alone, again.

Late at night, mind racing.

Maybe it’s the cold medicine.
Or the ibuprofen.
Or the weed.
Or any of those other things I took to try and stop the pain.

Just the left side.
Is that not significant?

If life’s taught me anything, it’s that we make significance.
That it exists because we decide it does.
I’m deciding.

Hello pain, I’m not afraid of you – though, you are rather uncomfortable.
Please pardon all the ways I’ve attempted to ignore you before.
It’s just that – I’m enraptured by the lie – that things have to be perfect to be beautiful.

Truer than true, I am still drawn back and away

Existence is rapture –
The less you attempt to understand, the more you enjoy – the further you allow organically curious growth.

As a society we’ve stunted our growth – we fear our very own desires.
They are our masters and we their slaves – we bend our necks, faces to the ground, all worshiping invisible gods. Bump, “Oops, ‘xcuse meh…”

Well, I’m not going to be afraid of my desires anymore either.
Hello desire, I’m curious about you.
Oh and hey there rambunctious Mayry! How are you doing?! Haven’t seen you out in a while!

Why was I taught to feel guilty? I’m not afraid of guilt anymore.
I’m not afraid of others who want me only for my body, or any part, facet or whatnot of that sort. Bring it, doesn’t mean they’ll “get” me.

I’m not afraid of making mistakes
I’m not afraid of knowing my worth and living my truth.
I’m not afraid of wearing to little or looking like a boy.
I’m not afraid.

I know I am loved because I love.
because I see the computer screen and smell the stale air – I’m still breathing somehow –

I.