“…a number is not just a number as you are not just a human, all that is a part of this universe is comprised of energy, frequencies, and vibrations.”

You Are Luminous

The Resonance of One

Identity. Integrity. Individual. Even the number 1 looks eerily similar to the letter/word “I,” which is a convenient reminder of its inherent meaning. In addition to the ego, personality and self though, this number can also signify wholeness and unity.

In these ways, the number One has a powerful resonance that invokes the very essence of divinity: it is both One and the Whole. It serves to remind us of ourselves, both in our uniqueness as well as in our belonging, in our bigness as well as our smallness.

One reminds us of our individual power as well as our innate longing. It’s a complex, internally challenging number that supports either egoic self-obsession or mindful source-awareness respective of whether we choose to avoid the discomfort of its spiritual dissonance or dive straight into it.

The Reflection of Eleven

Playing off of the themes of number One, Eleven packs a duel punch of both cosmic and self-awareness. Here we see the self and the other, standing parallel, in either opposition or support: 11.

For those resistant to the inherent longing for return to the Whole within their own identity, this resonance is even more challenging to the ego than that of the number One. It is essentially a divine mirror, shining back our truth, and if we are uncomfortable in our truth we will also be uncomfortable in the vibrations of Eleven.

Eleven may also be experienced as divine support, cosmic blessings and guidance for those of us who are willing to suspend cognition enough to hold space for the dissonance of the One and the Whole. An open heart will celebrate its opportunity to see itself fully in the divine mirror Eleven provides. For those doing the work, this frequency can even feel like a reprieve or recognition of the work their soul has been doing.

The Reactivity of 11/11

So what happens when the reflective energy of Eleven is itself further reflected by itself? COSMIC REVELATION EXPANSION!

We all have the opportunity to explore ourselves, our relationship to the divine, our relationship to the world and others, as well as the divine’s, the world’s and others’ relationships to us today too. Our sights will be clear, the truth will be obvious and celebrations, strategies and plans can all be well made.

We also have the number Four come into play in this number series, as now there are Four Ones total. Four is a foundational, solid and structural number. Think of the ancient practice of using cornerstones in the foundations of homes, these (primitively) Four stones were essentially the load bearers and made the home a sound and safe structure.

The potent reflective energy of Eleven reflecting Eleven combined with the incredible opportunity to solidifying foundational identities for ourselves in the vibrations of Four Ones makes the 11/11 portal one of the most empowering days of the entire year. Taking full advantage of this protal doesn’t have to be as complicated or nuanced as the numbers themselves either!

Intentionally Invoking the Potential of 11/11

Get out a journal and pen, but just sit. Tap into your center, that place within you where you feel the resonance of One, where your identity and the Source cease to exist separately.

Just sit. Notice what arises. Watch your emotions, thoughts and discomfort. Be the witness of your ego and Spirit for a while. No judgements, just observe:

  • What does your ego sound/feel like?
  • What does Spirit sound/feel like?
  • What reflections of your personal identity and connection to Source make your ego more or less upset?
  • What tactics does your ego use to try and be the “voice of reason” and how is Spirit combatting those insecurities?

Maintain compassion for yourself and even your ego throughout this process. Our egos are not purposeless accidents and actually exist to serve us. It is good and healthy to have awareness of potential dangers and even some fear. Unfortunately, modern society has grabbed hold of ego’s motivation – insecurity – while also losing sight of Spirit’s grace, and has consequently made us all a bit hypersensitive, but that still doesn’t make ego the enemy.

Once you’ve begun to clarify your ego and Spirit’s reflection of it within your center, begin to offer gratitude. You may start with Spirit because that is typically easier, but don’t leave out your ego! Thank it for its hypervigilance and desire to keep you safe. Thank it for its love and care, however misguided it may also be. Accept that it’s not perfect but it is trying and endeavor give it the grace Spirit provides.

When you feel the comfort, acceptance and love begin to bloom within your heart as consequence of your intentional gratitude reuniting the wholeness of Spirit with your personal identity, you have reached the point of ultimate potentially for the 11/11 portal. From this space of love and awareness, begin to identify cornerstones:

  • What are your top Four priorities in life?
  • What are the top Four core values or guiding principles you turn to when making important decisions?
  • If you had to choose only Four virtues to embody in this lifetime, what would they be?
  • If your friends and family were to describe you, what Four words would you hope they choose to use?

Now take a look at your answers to these questions and find the similarities. Narrow down your focus to your own Four, personally inspired cornerstones: these values/virtues have the potential to empower you by providing the pure clarity, focus and motivation that can only come through conscious conviction. This is your new foundation from which you will build your future!

Your Own Personal 11/11 Code

You will often see titles such as “activation code,” “angel code” or other divine “codes” assigned to the 11/11 portal. This is because being fully engaged with this energy can be incredibly transformative, rejuvenating and invigorating – much like you have recieved heavenly downloads, unlocking a magickal “code” that assists you in every possible area of life.

By doing the exercises above, you have essentially cracked this code for yourself; it is nothing more than learning to suspend judgements of our ego by accepting the divine grace of Source, and finding Truth within that unity. The code is the cornerstone virtues this grace enables us to discover and the multitude of blessings and clarity these virtues create in our lives once they are identified.

The code is acceptance, fully and wholly, while standing naked before the powerful reflection of divine glory. In this way, we are all called to step further into divinity today; learning to forgive and love even those parts of us that would steal our peace and joy. It is reclamation; it is Love.

Another week is dawning and I for one am grateful to have made it through the heart wrenching emotional gymnastics of last week’s soul-healing vibes. The cosmos wasted no time in shaking us all up and now that things have gotten real, real deep, we’re being told to relax and trust the divine.

This week’s spread was intuitive, moving across the chakra stones barrier in the middle of my table mat in a zigzag fashion; beginning at the top left, moving to the center right and then down to the bottom left before beginning again at the top right and mirroring the pattern on the opposite sides all the way down. I find the importance of feminine and masculine energies being brought into balance as well as the double helix form both indicated in this spread.

I began with the Shadowscapes Tarot Deck:

This Week’s Intuitive Spread

Acknowledgement

VII The Chariot (Shadowescapes Tarot Deck)

We have been seen! The Major Arcana card XII, The Chariot indicates that the shadowy journeys we’ve taken into the depths of raw, ugly yet essential truth are being recognized. We are being hailed as the captains of our own destiny’s and our guides are celebrating our autonomy, not through subjugation but rather, through glorious harmonization!

As the 11/11 portal opens on Monday, we start our week with a powerful suspension of time and space. The heavens, our ancestors and deities, are all pulling back at the edges of reality to create an endlessness in which we are given a chance to take that rejuvenating deep breath we’ve been longing for. This won’t look like a lazy day though, in fact, anticipate the flow state and don’t be surprised when you get a lot more than you planned done for a change.

The divine message of this day is: “I am a blessed child of the divine!”

A Challenge

XIX The Sun, Reversed (Shadowscapes Tarot Deck)

In the midst of this glorious and divinely supportive celebration, we are still being called to refine and explore our awareness. The Sun coming up reversed is not typically considered fortunate, as the Sun is one of the most fortunate cards in the deck and a reversal suggests density or conflict of some kind, yet I intuit this to indicate a highly fortunate opportunity all the same.

We are all being called to reconsider what success, joy and fortune mean to us. I feel this reversal is speaking more to an internal condition rather than an external circumstance. What are the ways in which you might be limiting the joy and luck in your life because of personal biases or conditioned beliefs? Be prepared to start asking this and questions like it on Tuesday the 12th when the moon reaches peak fullness in the sign of Taurus.

We would be wise to use these sesual, mindful Taurean energies and the illumination of the full moon to help us see gaps in our self-care and carve out long term plans for facilitating better habits for ourselves. Why must success equal the delegation of our needs or wants? Perhaps we can have every luxury, if only we stop waiting for others to provide them for us and do the work of reaping rewards for ourselves.

The divine message of this day is: “I am as happy as I could ever be, right now!”

Empowerment

I The Magician (Shadowscapes Tarot Deck)

The Magician card is the second card in the Major Arcana, denoted “I” because the Fool begins the set at “0.” This card is one of empowerment and asks us to look to ourselves for that which we need and desire.

Given the previous two cards, I intuit this energy to be further promoting a self-inventory of sorts. Recognize your autonomy the way your guides, deities and ancestors do; challenge any biases and dogma that keep you from the joy of each pure moment; finally, take notice of all your inherent gifts, talents and wealth. We all have so much we can be grateful for, if only we take the time to do so.

Set the limits of your wanting. Decide for yourself when more is no longer better. Make unpopular, genuine and authentic choices. See your personal human potential as the brilliantly unique gift that it is, not merely as a means to justify your existence.

Blessings Abounding

Source Dragon (Dragon Oracle Cards Deck)

Jupiter, the bearer of luck and prosperity, will begin traversing the Galactic Center on Wednesday the 13th. It will be in exact conjunction with the Center on the 19th but we will start to feel the powerful pull of this celestial alignment right away and continue to experience reverberations all the way up through the Sagittarius New Moon on the 26th. This Source Dragon card speaks directly to the power of this potent potentiality.

What does that mean for this week? Sit back, relax and get ready. It’s been watching and now, the cosmos has something it wants to show you!

The Galactic Center is at the very heart of our galaxy and consists of a black hole, a cosmic womb. When the planetary benefactor aligns with the heart of this womb, anything is possible – and with the numerological, astrological and divinatory support of the previous two days leading up to this alignment (which only happens every 12 years), we can all be sure that the divine itself is planting the seeds for our ultimate blessings to manifest!

Divine message for the 13th – 25th: “the entire cosmos aspires to bless me!”

Heart Work

Isis and Osiris (Goddesses Knowledge Card Deck)

The next card drawn encourages us not to lose sight of ourselves and our hard fought autonomy amidst all the intoxicating justifications of ego’s discontentment. Just because the divine has got our backs doesn’t mean our life’s work is done, but that’s no reason to deny ourselves the joy of living either.

Isis is one of the oldest goddesses in the Egyptian pantheon and is known for bringing her assassinated husband back to life. She is a moon goddess who gives birth to the sun. She represents the value of the fulness of life, including the dark night and even grief itself.

I believe Isis appears hear as a gentle reminder of our reversed Sun card’s message: we must question our conditions, limitations and biases. Perhaps our curses are truly blessings, disguised by our very own prejudices and perspectives. Perhaps a painless, lossless, mundane life isn’t really what we desire and we actually need the difficulties and challenges of life as much as we desire the celebrations and fortune.

Our challenges create strength in us, our weaknesses provide opportunities for growth and our love, in truth, is our commitment to preserving through pain, grief and sadness. As the divine showers us with love and affection this week, we have the perfect opportunity to look within and ask ourselves: “in what ways have I been limiting my happiness for the sake of my ego?”

Divine reminder in this card for this entire week: “my brokenness blesses!”

The Summation

The Runes Thurisaz, Tir and Ing (from top down)

Lastly, I pulled three Runes and got a beautiful summery for the week’s reading: “we are divinely supported and adored, we can rest assured that our victory is already ours; we accept the blessings of our birthright and enjoying the abundance of life’s glories right now!”

We must simply go forth and be the miracles we already are! I hope that we all find all the sensual, meaningful and glorious satisfaction available to us this week. If/when we feel the resistence to just dive into divine bliss, let’s ask ourselves: what could be more important?

Thurisaz = protection and luck
Tir = success and victory
Ing = accomplishment and relief

Image: Google

A couple weeks ago I posted on my personal social media about doing a “no-thing” year, starting November 1st after Samhain. It’s officially been one week since the start of this new focus for my personal development and I feel called to flush out my parameters for this goal.

Already I’ve noticed some points of tension:

  • Food, and/or
  • Household purchases

Living with grandma, my own personal choices are never purely concerned with me. So, how do I navigate grocery shopping when I want to stop buying “things” myself but grandma always gets whatever she wants?

Likewise, what about household items? Hand and dish soap? Toiletries?

Image: Google

Taking it Easy on Myself, to Start

Given that this commitment is for a year, I’ve decided to ease in to it for the sake of longevity. So, I don’t have all the answers yet, but I plan to get them via this challenge rather than in spite of it.

I will continue to shop for the household items and food as I have been, but will also be examining my own consumption to try and determine what “things” aren’t necessary or are only serving me. However, for the time being I am not going to be finicky about insuring I don’t consume household or food “things.” Towards the end of December I will be reevaluating this portion and further acting on the observations of these next two months.

Image: Google

So, what are the solid parameters I am starting with then?

My “No-Thing” Year Rules:

  • Stop purchasing “things” for myself
    • Clothes, Shoes, Accessories, etc
    • Make-up or Personal Toiletries
    • Books, Journals, Notebooks, etc
    • Knickknacks, Blankets, Art, etc
  • Stop purchasing “things” as gifts (because of who I am, I started collecting holiday gifts for friends/family in October, but I will be crafting/making any other gifts I might still need or focusing on gifting experiences)
  • Stop consuming food “things” personally
    • Fast foods, to-go coffees, snacks, candies, etc (packaged food-like products)
    • Focus on whole foods like fruits, vegetables, nuts or homemade
    • Take notice of “things” consumed as meals (packaged/premade products) by myself and grandma, looking for ways to reduce these habits and return to whole-foods
    • The hospitality of others will be accepted gratefully regardless

That being said, I anticipate a few more grey areas:

  • Gifts = will still be accepted, gratefully
  • Returns = recieved items may be exchanged for other “things”
  • My Cats = will still be getting their foods, litter, treats and toys as they always do
  • Souvenirs = not allowed; myself and others will have to be content with stories and pictures from any trips taken
  • Subscriptions, Memberships, etc = to be reevaluated, only kept/purchased if deemed necessary for my work
  • Experiences, Trips, Courses, etc = not to be limited by this commitment, but still considered on a case by case basis
  • Miscellaneous =
    • This commitment is not a justification for increased spending in other areas
    • I will not ask or “hint at” others to purchase “things” on my behalf (this doesn’t apply when asked what I would as holiday/birthday gifts)

Maintaining Flexibility

All that being said, I am excited to have opportunities to explore my consumption habits and may make adjustments and changes as I go. When I am reevaluating for 2020 at the end of December I will likely choose the next point of reevaluation, and so on.

The purpose of this commitment is to purposefully establish myself as a consumer, not to merely stop all consumption. As humans, we all consume, digest and produce waste in a variety of ways, this isn’t itself a flaw. It is over-consumption that causes imbalance and it is this trend in my own life that I desire to quell.

The minimalist lifestyle is highly appealing to me, but I am not at a place in life where I can make that drastic of a change. Therefore, I am taking more modest steps in that direction.

It makes sense to me that prior to reducing my stuff, I need to get my purchasing under control. I need to create some space to discover what is truly essential. Otherwise, I’ll simply replace what I get rid of.

Perhaps along my journey this year I will find myself naturally and organically reducing by using up things I already have. Perhaps there will come a time for more purposeful purging. Regardless, this is sure to be an illuminating experience!

Below is some exploratory scifi fiction writing I did in college. The premise is survival in a dystopian world, years after a global crisis that centered on the internet itself beginning to entrap and kill those using it:

My heart pounding in my throat already, I can’t stop to catch a breath, I have to keep moving; if they catch me, that will be the end of ‘me.’ Weaving through the abandoned ruins, I must leap over the various corroded remnants of a world too quickly forgotten: a tricycle covered in overgrown plans, the decaying corpse of a wild dog, the rusted out fender of a once glorious Mercedes – nothing but trash getting in the way of my escape. Fortunately, I’ve had some practice at this; I know where I’m going.

     I duck through the broken window of one abandoned home and wait to watch the patrols rush by through another murky pane. This deep into the Dumperbs it would be hard for their hounds to catch my scent amongst the decay, especially if I round back. I sat breathing for a moment before I knew it was clear to get going again. I took a quick glance around, ‘no relics here,’ and was off.

     In the past eight years running has become the ideal form of transportation, if by ideal you’re taking into account the lack of ‘man-power’ to keep oil and gas pumping and cars moving as well as the fact that the Old World Decay made it difficult to bike. I was the fastest runner I knew. Of course, I used to only be able to compare myself to Grandma which made it easy. After she died I had to venture out into the world and soon my talents were tested against the other Bitch Brats. Taylor was the only one who could keep up, but somehow I still managed to pull ahead at the last second and beat her in every race. Running had become a way of life. We ran from the wild dogs, we ran from the patrols, and we ran for fun – I guess really, running had become the way of life for us.

     I quickly found the stash of relics I’d hidden in the debris and started back towards our Shelter. From the outside in it didn’t look like much – in fact, it looked just like everything else: horrible, decrepit, disgusting – but that was the point. It began with one home where we’d found a secret living space in the basement and over the course of the last 7 years together, the Bitch Brats had created an underground palace. Aside from running and finding relics, digging to expand our fortress was really the only other thing we could do to occupy our time. We’d even managed to connect to another home that had a large greenhouse and huge privacy fence; the fresh food at our table rivaled that of the Global Jury.

     It was different the first four years or so, everyone was still scared enough to mind their own business. We would go to the supermarkets and stores, to the abandoned homes in the area – where ever we thought we might find something we’d need – and just take stuff. No harm, no foul. That was before the Global Jury made looting illegal again.

     They claim it’s for our safety, but we’ve been getting along just fine; we don’t need their compound and rules to survive. So what if they want to reestablish ‘civilization,’ they certainly didn’t ask us. How the hell does some random group of women get the idea that they can just take control anyway? Granted, we Bitch Brats take control, but of ourselves… and only others if they happen to threaten our way of life.

     Once I made it through our booby-trap-esque security system I breathed a sigh of relief to be home again,

“Ladies, I’m home!”

     I let out a long billowing howl and waited not long before I could hear their replies through the corridors, Taylor was of course the first to reach my side,

“Elisa!”

     She exclaimed as she plowed into my side, nearly knocking me and my bounty onto the ground. I’d only been gone for a couple hours, but since our ranks had been picked off one by one until it was just us four, we no longer took any homecoming for granted.

“Oh hey Tay-Tay!”

     I let out a growl and playfully bit her ear. I could hear Tracy and Alleah in the corridor approaching fast and looked back up just in time to see their crazed smiles approaching full speed,

“Leelee!”

     They cried in unison and as they hit me and Taylor, we all went down together. Hitting the ground we laughed and rolled until I remembered what I had found in the Dumperbs,

“WAIT!”

     We all froze,

“What is it Leelee?”

     Alleah, the youngest and sweetest of us all asked sheepishly, her curious eyes already wondering toward my satchel.

“Don’t be mad…”

     I began and the girls immediately scattered,

“NO!”

     Taylor looked at me enraged, the other two clamored behind her terrified.

“It’s no big deal, it doesn’t even work…”

     I tried pushing a dust-packed power button again to no avail.

“Get it out of here, this isn’t ok!”

     Taylor looked as if she were going to burst a blood vessel.

“Are you going to take it out of here?”

     I asked deviously; I knew that none of them would touch anything that could potentially access the internet.

“Are you kidding me?! If you don’t get it out of here I’m going to beat you!”

     Tay was fuming now, but I didn’t care – she might be older, but I was the clever one.

“What then? You’re going to take it out of here after I’m bruised and bloodied?”

     I smiled slightly, I didn’t want her to get too mad but I couldn’t help it.

“Seriously, I am going to kill you!”

     She stomped away, the other two close behind.  Alleah turning her head just before rounding the main corridor. ‘Whatever… it can’t hurt me if I don’t turn it on…’ I turned the old smartphone around in my hands and sat staring at it – had I not pried it from a skeleton’s bony grip I would have never believed that this tiny device had killed someone… ‘But how?!’ Even if I wanted to mess around with it I couldn’t; it was eight years old, the battery had corroded and the screen cracked from the climate. ‘It’s harmless’ I thought and I shoved it back into my satchel.

I picked myself up and dusted off. I would go put the contraband in my cave before dinner – lord knows I’d be a dead woman if I tried to show it to them. I put it high up on my rock shelf, you couldn’t even see it if you weren’t looking. ‘Why do I even bother?’


     In the main cavern the girls were slow to set out the dinnerware; I could hear Taylor in the kitchen banging anything she got her hands on. I glanced at Tracy and she dodged my eyes; Alleah smiled and then seemed to remember she wasn’t happy and quickly turned away too. I walked past them both unconcerned.

“Taylor, you have to talk to me… Tay. Tay!”

“What?!”

     She turned from our water basin and I was surprised to see tears in her eyes. Taylor was tough; as the oldest I suppose she felt she had to be.

“Taylor, it’s dead. It’s not going to hurt us.”

“It’s not that… I know… It’s just…”

     She turned away again. I went up behind her and wrapped her in my arms tightly. I whispered in her ear,

“What is it Tay?”

“I was grounded… I- I wasn’t allowed to have my phone… that’s – that’s the only reason I didn’t die with the rest of my family… I just…”

     I released my squeeze enough that she could turn toward me; she wiped her face and took a deep breath,”

“Stupid huh?”

     I wiped the last stray tear and smiled,

“You?! Never!”

     We both shared a giggle.

“Look, I’m sorry… I’ll never mention it or anything like it again… I don’t even know why I took it…”

     I began but she soon interrupted,

“No, no… it’s fine… like you said, it’s dead right?! Why should we give it anymore of our lives than it’s already taken? Do what you want with it… next time though…”

     She trailed off,

“Yes Tay?”

     I encouraged,

“Next time bring me one… I want to destroy it!”

     I’d never seen such hate in a person’s eyes.

“Otay Tay, you got it.”

     I squeezed her arm. With that we grabbed the rest of the necessities for dinner and went to join the other girls.

Another old poem, but this one is just from a couple years ago:

you conflict me 

each and every

time – has nothing 

on the way you

play with my mind


before, now and

I’m sure again

I’ll be surprised by

the look of your

eyes, your smile


truth is: I love you 

maybe more than

I want to – because

having you would

be so easy, in theory


I value you too

much yet, I want

more than I should

if I was really just

a good friend


I’m afraid of what

you could do to me

but I desire to let

you destroy that

timidity in my heart

truth is: I have always

kept this secret

from you – for you

because you and

I can’t – can we?

do you think there

is freedom in 

surrendering to

possibilities of

our brokenness?

truth is: I care

more than would

be wise if I had

hope of remaining 

detached from us


truth is: I love you

truth is: I need your

happiness more

than my own and

truth is: I’m scared