I had a great Solstice yesterday. Basically, nothing went according to my plans, yet somehow, that’s okay. It’s also unsurprising.
While I did make it out to greet the sun at sunrise, the unseasonably wet and cold weather here in Colorado had me imagining the light through the overcast sky and foggy mountains. I also didn’t lay all of my tools out for charging outside, as thunderstorms were on the forecast and it became obvious they weren’t going to be an inaccurate prediction. I again got creative and chose to charge everything indoors, in front of my “Sun” tapestry.
Such is life right? We make plans, we have disruptions or get new information, we adjust. Flexibility is the joy of reality, as long as we’re not resisting.
It wasn’t until later in the day, after a wonderful time at the hot springs for my mom’s birthday, that I realised I wouldn’t be home in time for my sunset ritual and began to feel my control-freakery start rearing its head. I recognized it, I felt it, and then I let it pass. I chose to remain grateful for the time my family all got to experience together and how happy that had made my mom.
Still, I was all to aware as we drove home as the clock ticked ever closer to the time of sunset… Until, all too perfectly, my sister who’s home visiting from living internationally, began a conversation about what had transpired in the last 10 months since she’d been in the states. My youngest sister started, and then I followed, only focusing on the last 8 months since I had visited my sister while in Europe this past fall.
I was deep in review, detailing the focuses and events that had transpired, when I noticed the time again. It was right when I had been wanting to hold ritual. I had to laugh a bit to myself, as I felt the tension of my desire for control slowly unconstrict the back of my neck.
In my recollection of the past 8 months with my sisters, I organically reviewed the past 6 in more detail than I had done for myself. I had the opportunity to truly appreciate the trials and challenges, as well as check-points and accomplishments, and I found myself marveling at my own journey. In this way, I got my ritual – the exact ritual I needed, even if it wasn’t a ritual of my own design.
This is one of my greatest joys as a Pagan, and a lesson I keep getting the opportunity to learn: my purpose isn’t something I need to do, it’s a part of my intrinsic being. In a world where we are constantly asked to justify our existence though, this can be so hard! When you meet someone, they ask “what do you do,” not “how do you choose to be?”
Yet, despite social expectations, and perhaps even in spite of current cultural norms, the universe does give us subtle reminders of our beingness. Through the little things, like noticing numerological patterns or finding ourselves lost in the perfect conversation at just the right time, we get to escape from the pressure of “having it all together” and get to experience the grace of divinity as it carries us through.
I’m so grateful for this reminder. I’m so thankful that my rituals ended up being infused with the inconvenient and uncontrollable flair of reality. I’m also thankful that I get to be the slightly obsessive and thoroughly eccentric ME who can acknowledge and appreciate imperfections as opportunities rather than defeats.