“Is 6:45 early enough?” I wonder, quickly calculating that my Sadhana just took about an hour and 15 minutes.
“I could push it up, maybe to 6:15?” I think, glancing at my phone to see that it’s now 10:55pm. “Closer to eight hours if I leave it…” I briefly consider if I’ll go to yoga class in the morning before remembering that I’m waiting to see if we get as much spring snow as they say…
“I could still make it regardless,” I finally admit to myself and decide to leave the alarm set for a quarter to seven.
“Since when is getting up before seven not early enough for me?” I laugh, suddenly realising how absurd this sutuation would have been to me at every other stage of my life. I had never been an early riser, especially not voluntarily.
Smiling, I think about how easy it was getting up at 5:15 earlier this week to work out with my best friend. I feel satisfied in a deep and thorough way… “I’ve worked hard for this.”
I’ve been a bit discombobulated recently. Still not stressing, but life hasn’t slowed down. Last week was an extra busy with business and property taxes – next thing I know the weekend’s over, so are Monday and Tuesday, and I’m now 31!
Yay life lol!
Things are coming up fast. I got invited to read poetry at a festival next weekend and I’m now just 40 days out from the Apotheosis 4.0 retreat… Trying to plan details and rehearse for the festival, as well as beginning a Sadhana and corresponding dieta in preparation for the retreat.
No coffee/caffeine. No weed or alcohol. No sex. No processed/sugared foods and no animal products… Basically, for the next 40 days, I’m a celibate and straight-edge vegan who starts her days with yoga and meditation.
Possible challenges and distractions
Not sure how all that will work at the festival next week… But I’m up for the challenge and it’s only a few days of pack-it-in/out camping in the desert lol – if all else fails I’ll be soberly crunching carrot sticks while others imbibe inebriates, and I’m okay with that.
H.W. is none-too-pleased with the no weed/no sex/no sugar though – we like to enjoy all those things together… And he’s already formally threatened to try and sabatoge one of my commitments specifically lol – but I like being teased and I’ve been celibate for over a year at a time before so I think he’s in for some dissapointment if/when he tries to distract me from that commitment.
Why I’m committed anyway
Following the dieta for the retreat is so important for preparation – both the other 2 reatreats I attended I followed the dieta, but a bit more loosely and and not for as long… And I’ve learned better. The dieta is more than just strict abstaining, it’s soul work: cleaning out the body/mind/heart of all stimulants and distractions, to ready the “temple” for some serious ceremony and worship. It’s the beginning of the transformational process provided by these retreats; a kind of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical investment into the process of the self-actualization and healing we hope to glean from our upcoming time in the jungle.
All of those reasons are why I am also including a Sadhana commitment with my dieta. Sadhana is the daily commitment to show up for your highest self; a consistant spiritual practice to align with truth and love. By combining my dieta and my Sadhana, I hope to make the entire experience more sacred and special for myself.
And so-very grateful
The facts are, I am IMMENSELY blessed to have this opportunity. Not only to go to the retreat, but even to have the chance to give up all of these things. You can’t let something if you don’t have it to begin with.
This process will provide me with invaluable perspectives on just how prosperous and abundant my life is. Instead of feeling sad that I can’t have coffee this morning, I am grateful that I have access to hot water at all… Instead of feeling frustrated that I can’t have sex, I am grateful to have a sexxxy man in my life who desires to please me… Instead of feinding for weed, I am grateful that I live in a state where this medicine is not illegal and that I have access to it at all…
Perspective – so very valuable as a tool for reconstructing thoughts and feelings!
And with that…
I’m off! Will it be easy? Not at all. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be excited about it anyway! Here’s a glimpse of my Sadhana Mantra Meditation this morning – Adi Shakti, one of my favorites: