writing

Throwback Creative Writing: Darlings

So very strange, to type a random word into my Evernote app just to see what pops up. I chose the word “guess” and this was the oldest peice in my catalogue, Darlings:

Oct. 15, 2010
My Darling,
I don’t even know how to start… so many things are running through my head. I just wanted needed to let you know somehow – I love you. Look, I know you told me to run, and I am, but I have to be able to reach you. No matter where I go, or where they take you – I will find a way. I’ll be careful, I promise…
I won’t tell you where I’m going (you’re the boss ;), but I’ll tell you what – I’m gonna be missing your presence next to me on the warm sandy beaches of… ah… great big oceans 😉 but yes, I guess it’s time for me to go find that lil’ hut I’ve always talked about – or, I suppose with the resources you left me, maybe not so lil’ and not so hut. Good god – I miss you something terrible tho. I know, no matter what, things will be okay… I know we’ll figure it out. It’s just so damn hard when it feels like my heart is tearing itself desperately out of my chest, just longing to be near you.
Baby, I feel somewhat responsible for all this mess… I mean, I know you’ll just say that I’m being crazy, but really… I guess I just wonder if there was something I could have done to keep this from happening…
I’m definitely not to be worried about my love – I’m going into serious mastermind mode lol, I’ll be keeping myself busy that’s for sure! It’ll be great – I’m gonna be sure to have everything ready for your return to… well me 😉 where ever that might end up being.
OXO, Your Darling

Takes me back to an entirely different life, an entirely different Mayryanna.

Makes me laugh when I hear, “people can’t change!”

Guess I’m not people…

Photos, Poetry, random, spiritual, Thoughts, Video, writing

A glimpse into my life…

My left thigh is tingling and warm

from soft kitten purrs, as loud as they are gentle

He refused to “say cheese” though

The room is cold, here in the basement

as well as quiet, dark and spacious

I can remember when this entire space

was filled floor to ceiling with miscellaneous

I feel connected to it in remarkable ways

And that’s just the basement –

My current home is remarkable

Home

I feel home

Everything feels like home right now

What a difference a few years makes…

I used to be in a bad marriage

I used to be a chronic enabler

I used to recklessly abhor myself

Just years ago…

Don’t get me wrong, and if you read my blog you know

Things aren’t perfect…

They truly are better than perfect

This is why

My unalome/wanderlust mashup tattoo

That is to say, what it represents

They joy of the journey

Remembering to appreciate, even the bad

Even when life is chaos and you can’t breathe

If anything, that got me here

At least from that self-deprecating behavior of my past

But it does go deeper

To a time before I new how to be happy

And only grace got me through that

Om, beloved Divine, quest of my heart

Thank you, thank you, thank you my sweet, sweet loves – my beloveds – my sweet love, my beloved, my endlessly cherished One

In all the ways my devotion has blossomed

I have been endlessly blessed

And if I had not strayed into the depths of hopelessness

Would I have ever known the true heights of bliss