I can feel it in every pulse
my heart grows sick and heavy
my blood curdles in my veins

I have heard of this pain and anger
and have tried my best to avoid its many dangers
yet here I am

stricken on the ground, breathing dirt into my lungs
with every thought of hate towards you
my life grows more fleeting still

at one time forgiveness came so easy
I thought it to be a gift
and now I find it’s been stolen

I cry out in agony
as the terrors of my own evil
are slowly engulfing me

suffocating in my own nightmare
I wake up
only to find that the nightmare is me

weeping, wailing, screaming
longing for the freedom that I once knew

I feel a part of a grand drama
an attempt to make everyone think I’m not dying
in the depths of me

tucked away safe
where no one can reach

so many times I wish that I could simply give it all back

all the memories
all the tears
all the laughter
I don’t want any of it
it’s all making me so sick

for the first time in my life I have a regret
selfish as it may be

I wish to have never known you

but I find that I can’t flee from what has already passed
and so the pressure keeps building
and I can feel the slow collapsing of my chest

I’m tired of fighting this battle
in which I am both sides

my preference for you, the enemy of myself

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