I let myself sleep –
I had achieved much
deserved more –
waking upon desire
I went out prepared
the morning was splendid
even late, I was suited
my perfect flawed style
lazily I participated
took notes and tried
to make sense of it
to pull out knowledge
treated my self
to lunch and finishing
my studies just enough
all the while jaded
appreciated again
gravity and its loss
riding an elevator
glimpsed some awesome
remembering love
for where I am
the walk went fast
thoughts make me laugh
comedic tragedy
I learned more from
my humble Professor
then proud Oedipus
today is fairy tails
they keep weaving
banter with breath –
I could weep the profundity
Only to get that message.
The one of you crying.
Telling me you’ll write a letter.
Me unable to know more.
the break is just as violent
the wave dashed
against rocks and odds
the uncountable times
will I never see you?
when will I know?
I had written a letter
in the gap of morning
that made me late
but happy to be
I can’t send it now…
would it be forwarded?
what about the other
things I sent just yesterday?
I wrote in big Sharpie
on the side like you said
everyone then read
fuck if I care
but what do I say
how do I tell
everyone again
A little bit
A little bit
And a little bit more
Once they have what you want
You’ll always be sore
I can’t help but wonder –
what happened?
I know it’s trouble –
but what kind?
we were so close –
what does in-patient mean?
what release date?
this one? or is it new?
I can’t keep up…
I sit now with nothing
lost to an unrelenting black hole
pointlessness and insignificance
I’m insane enough to ignore my lunacy
perhaps they call that enduring
Tried and true.
I chose every last word.
in this moment I’m deciding
I’m going to look at the side
that doesn’t produce darkness in me
I can’t afford to go back now –
I want to cry.
Nothing comes.
Not a tear –
not even the sign of my maddening mind –
no whisper of pain or regret –
I think they call this shock but –
could I still be shocked, even this time?
how can I sway when your
pain persuaded me first –
we’re both fucked up baby
we’re both fucked up
I must detach again
laugh and smile and try again –
I can’t dwell in this place of real life
on my extension of loss
a greater part of myself is lost
then I’d like to admit I’ve found

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