Same rooms. Same stuff. Totally different.
The moment I came downstairs here at grandma’s today I was struck by it, “I don’t live here.” It wasn’t an acknowledgement of fact but rather, a shocking energetic registry.
Oh but how Life is Suprising
I’ve been working for 6 hours but just “clocked out” from my first official part time day. I’ve come downstairs to organize my stuff.
Having a week at my boyfriend’s before my room is ready at my friend’s, I haven’t moved or even packed yet. I’m not moving everything so having the extra time to figure out what I want to store vs. move is wonderful.
This is why everything is still exactly the same. Well, with the exception of my cats not being here (and let’s face it, that is a huge difference)… but still, the space feels strangely gaping – and the vacuum is a bit larger than my 2 kitties.
Recognizing My Own Gravity
Like most everyone, I influence my environment quite strongly. I can do this to a variety of extremes, but in the past few years I have tried to make the effects more intentional.
I have fostered authenticity, boldness, healing, love, expansion, peace, growth, adaptation and transformation in the past few years… in this place… and now I’m gone.
Granted, the space has it’s own energy. The land, my grandma, her dogs, the house… so much energy still abounds – but, some of mine is gone. Even as I am here, the space is responding to me – or perhaps I to it – in completely different ways.
Allowing Shifts to be Continuous
My home is no longer a place. Despite the last five years and all they have been for me, it really is over and I really have moved. In spirit, the next phase has already begun.
Yet, I haven’t transferred my home/hearth (heart) energy to another place. I’m at my boyfriend’s for the time being, but even when I move to my friend’s it will be temporary. There is no place for it right now but with me.
I intuit I will be continuously unsettled in a variety of ways this year. I am not to find a home right now, and that’s okay. Actually, it’s awesome – I love carrying home with me.
Leaving it Unknown
Perhaps someday I will be called to settle in to a place again, exploring the delicacies of homemaking, but for now I am content to wonder. It’s created a delightful energy within me and my productivity and activity have been through the roof. I feel I even need less sleep lately, how cool is that?
I grieved a lot before these changes took hold, but now I am feeling confident and grateful. I am so proud of myself for taking these steps even fuller into my authenticity and look forward to all I yet dare to do. Even not knowing, I have more security within myself and how I live my life than ever.