Giggling to myself, I hopped out of my van and after pushing the door lock button, I slammed the door. Within a fraction of a second I realized what I had done – but it was too late: I just locked myself out of my vehicle!
I’m about 20 minutes from home, running errands in the next town over. I was checking WhatsApp messages after I parked and was feeling giddy with appreciation and love for my global tribe. Distracted, I put my keys in my purse but then made the decision to only bring my wallet in with me for a quick bill-pay. Somehow, I didn’t think to grab my keys again.
Surprisingly Not Bothered
My response after the initial “nooooo…” was interestingly light hearted; I giggled again. More amused by the fact that this seeming mistake is a result of my bliss than anything; I shrugged off the irritation like it was nothing.
My ego sat gape-mouthed at the back of my mind as I gently thought, “I wonder why I locked my keys in the van?” instead of its preferred tirade of “you’re so stupid! How could you do that?! This is so ridiculous… I can’t believe you!” I walked away from my keys in the van with a smile, feeling appreciation for my lack of reaction.
I walked into my local yoga studio to pay the bill I needed to, still giggling about the silliness I felt over the whole situation. My sister was working and I glimpsed her through the window before she came to meet me at the door. We hugged and I laughed, telling her what I had just done.
Letting the Blessings Flow Freely
My sister quickly helped me pay my bill and let me know that she just so happens to be on her lunch break. “Maybe that’s why I locked myself out of the van!?” I laughed, “I’m supposed to have lunch with you!”
We walked to the studio’s organic cafe and I ordered a salad. She still had 45 minutes left for her break so we talked quite a bit. I asked if I could borrow her car to go home and grab my spare key and she kindly agreed.
Even before we had finished eating though, I had a call from one of my best friends. She was just leaving our town and headed my way! I told her what was happening and she agreed to bring the extra key to me. Hanging up the phone, I couldn’t help but giggle again.
Letting the Exceptional Become Ordinary
Despite my error, I was able to have a nice lunch with my sister, get all my errands done and still make it back to my town in time to pick up my grandma’s dogs from the groomer. I received the message that they were ready for pick up right before starting the van to head that way. My giggle this time carried with it an air of astonishment.
Everything had gone so much better than I could have even hoped was possible.
I found myself feeling grateful, and excited! I have been unraveling, deconstructing and challenging my faith a lot lately, trying to learn how to settle into trusting the Divine with everything, and this experience felt like a heavenly kiss.
“I have more of THIS to look forward to?” I thought in suspended disbelief as I drove to get the puppies. “Yes please!”
Embracing My Year of Undoing
The fact is, 2020 looks nothing like what I had planned for myself when anticipating it. I have started and subsequently stopped a “no-thing” year and a 21-day fast, I’ve cancelled plans to attend a facilitator training course this spring and given my notice at my job with the family businesses as well as for being my grandma’s caretaker. I am moving to some temporary digs this weekend and I have no idea where I’ll even be by the second half of the year.
My commission from the Divine to “rest, relax, heal and meditate” has been completely deconstructing what I had assumed I should be doing. The effects of this are sure to be far reaching, but these incredibly small blessings weren’t expected at all.
Evidence of Learning at Every Level
Having no attachment to achieving has allowed me to come even more into my authentic experience. I can rest in the fact that the mistake happened while I was being silly and distracted instead of working myself up about some ideal of never-ever being distracted. I can relax and shrug off the potential irritation instead of stressing over my lack of control and the possible difficulties of the situation. I can heal my unreasonable and abusive egoic self-expectations instead of utilize impossible standards to punish myself. I can meditate on the possibility of purpose within even a silly little mistake instead of using it as an example of why I have to be harder on myself.
That’s why this seemingly unimportant event is actually so important, because how we do one thing is how we do everything. The work that I have been doing to expand my faith has been made clear in these smallest of moments. I am getting it! Somewhere, despite my doubts and struggles, it is sinking it and taking hold – and even coming through me now!
My hope is that these small shreds of evidence of my personal growth encourage you to look for your own. Does you purpose feel too big? Is your calling daunting? Break it down and just start somewhere. Nothing you do ever goes without affecting all the rest of your life as well.
Blessed be my beloveds – I hope you pleasantly surprise yourself soon too!