I stopped looking 
and found you

Beneath forgotten
back behind my fear

You were waiting
for me to see you

Patiently ignored 
singing silent songs

I tried desperately 
not to hear you

Fixated on my loss
determining distance

I was afraid to feel
and created a sepsis

Denial of my love
circulating my pain

Ever deeper, digging
even bigger, growing

Until I had to be blind
even deafening myself 

Turning cold, draining
all enjoyment from life

And still, you remained
ever present in my denial

Until today, when gave up
I let myself be, entirely –

And there you were
waiting for my return

It stung to feel you again
after so long running

I collapsed into your arms
losing all strength and pride

It hurt, the gravity
I had been falling up

Such a long way
to come back down

To come back in
to find the truth

Settling into the gaping –
the harsh realities of life

My grief for having lost
for not being able to hold

yet being held in it
I found it was love

Tears fell from my eyes
into your subtle ether –

You smiled, I cried harder
weeping for the chasm

Realizing I pushed you
but you never left me

I was afraid of this
the cost of true love

The mourning that came
watching you struggle

The grief of separateness
exaggerated by death

Yet, here and now
in this beautiful surrender

Reminded of your wonder –
how could I forsake you?

You are worth the pain
Loving you is worth the grief

I cannot have you in my arms 
so I’ll adore you from afar

I’ll find you in my days
in the miracles and majesty

I’ll find you in my nights
comforted by memories 

In the unseeking way
of brilliant synchronicity

I welcome all of you
every joy and every pain

Thank you for your being
Thank you for your going 

Thank you for reminding me
of just how deep love is

2 thoughts on “Love: the Unseeking Way

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