I am at my mom’s, watching my Niece and Nephew through the weekend while she takes care of grandma for me. I got the kids off to school great and the morning was swimming along nicely. I gave the dog some Reiki ’cause he’s been sick and then we started playing. I decided we should take it to the backyard and didn’t stop to grab my phone or put on shoes. We had a lot of fun and he was so playful, I really appreciated that he seemed to be feeling a bit better and was completely caught up in the moment. Not wanting to push him to far though, we went to head back in before long. But instead, we came just shy at the back door. It was locked.
I had forgotten that my mom’s back door has one of those knobs that can turn on the inside when it’s locked. I had locked it last night. I knew this. “Fuck.” Now, had this been May from a couple years ago I would have responded very differently. I would have been tearing myself down, getting more and more upset, and allowing the situation to unnerve me – but this morning I observed myself responding instead of reacting.
I quickly checked my options. Windows, nope. Garage door, nope. And I knew the front was deadbolted because I did that once the kids were off to school. Decided I didn’t want to jump the fence in stocks unless I exhausted all my options in the backyard anyway and well, just sat.
I had felt my pulse quicken, and my chest and throat tighten immediately upon feeling the tension in the doorknob, which had persisted throughout my initial panicked runaround. And as I sat I witnessed my ego’s desperate chatter get even louder, “you told Nikki not to take the bus because you’d pick her up at school so now she won’t even be here in 5 hours with her key because she’s going to be stranded unless you jump that fence and find a phone! And if you can’t James is going to be stranded after bike club too! How could you not have your phone? You are so stupid. You are the worst aunt! I know how much you don’t want to go find a phone in the city in your socks. Is your social anxiety really more important right now? What are you waiting for?!” But I remained.
I sat, I observed, I surrendered. I began to sing different mantras, one known as the “fate erradicator,” another to dispel any egoic intent/fear within myself and still more to bless myself, the situation, the dog and even the home and community. I became calm. I noticed my pulse sooth and my breath deepen. The sun peaked out from behind the cloud and the breeze picked up, and I found my Self in True Love with Life again.
I resumed attempts to get back in the house and found myself at the unused but now unblocked dog door. It is too small and square for me to get through, I had already tried, but I decided to check it out again anyway. As I maneuvered a bit, a long umbrella with a flat-ended foam handle fell on top of me. Within five minutes I had figured out how to maneuver the little lock latch open with the umbrella, it was in fact the perfect tool for this very odd job.
The 30 min of stress/panic were probably unavoidable, but after 20 min of meditation and mantra it took maybe 10 before the problem was solved. Next time I think I’ll try to just skip straight to the energy work!