Very busy with Friendsgiving today, so to free up some of my time I’m posting some old writing. I hope you enjoy these stream of consciousness observations about beauty that I wrote down over 5 years ago, and please let me know your thoughts on this topic too.

I’ve never considered myself to be truly ‘beautiful.’ Perhaps that’s sad, but I think it’s a truth for many women. Sure, we may look in the mirror every so often and think (or even say) ‘damn, I look good’ but it’s typically right before we think ‘except…’ Readjusting, squeezing, primping, plucking, masking, and the list goes on – we’re never quite right and there’s always something more to be done. I’m sure that the pressure exists for men as well, and perhaps it’s not fair that it’s socially acceptable for females to slather on cover up or maneuver ourselves into body shapers while the males have to just deal with the hand they’ve been dealt, but the fact remains that this type of self-manipulation is expected and celebrated.

What’s worse is the fact that these manipulations aren’t even promoting real beauty. For example, when you look at a beautiful landscape it’s not typically ‘perfect’ – there are scars, flaws, variations – it’s the whole, the wide view lens, and the act of taking it all in that leaves you gazing on in wonder. We typically have this type of appreciation for others all the while examining our own reflection with magnification. This excessive scrutiny is taking over lives and confusing onlookers; even I have no idea why I give my attention and admiration to some of the examples I do…

I saw a picture on Facebook, well actually three of them, of an acquaintance of mine and one of her friends – now, this acquaintance is gorgeous by anyone’s standards (thin, tone, tan, etc…) but next to her friend she looked heavy and frumpy. The friend struck the same, seemingly pre-practiced pose in all three pictures – this girl was extremely thin, to the point that from the side her breast implants were obvious (being the only visible curve aside from her butt, which she was promoting with an uncomfortable arch of her lower back), her tan was unnaturally dark, her hair unnaturally long, and her gaze (which never met the camera) and expression lacked any life at all… This poor girl looked so manipulated and fake that it made me uncomfortable, and yet her ‘perfectly’ poised self somehow managed to cast a shadow over my acquaintance’s usually glorious physique. It made me sad; sad for the friend because it was horribly obvious that her own insecurities had been magnified to the point of completely controlling her, and sad for my acquaintance because she was being compared with an example like this.

I hope to never look like that friend in that picture, yet when I look in the mirror I’m examining my flaws and adjusting my appearance just as I’m sure she does (albeit, not to the same extremes). Why do I allow myself to be influenced this way? Why is it that it’s more difficult for me to pick out things I like about my appearance than it is to find things I don’t?

On the way to the airport in Madison, I am bidding my Wisconsin adventure adieu – but not before receiving the last few lines I needed to complete this new poem:

Rare glimpses
sky shy peeks
muted beneath
dull grey clouds
o’r barren scapes


Rusted trappings
comfortably home 
amongst the golds
coppers ‘n’ bronzes 
hazy with wet air


Farm houses cast 
complete with silos
randomly checkered 
among still green hills
covered in naked trees


Fall is lingering
yet not yet winter
everything feels dim
muffled beneath snow
not melting faster


When the sun says ‘hey’
everyone takes note
grateful for the oddly
briefest moments of
bright shining splendor 


Wisconsin in November
an atypical adventure
delightfully enchanting
not because it trys to be
wholly uncomplicated


Sprawling country canvas 
sprinkled with hokey charm
this temporarily muted palate 
exaggerating delicate beauty
magnifying the simply peaceful 

my heart is a garden

bursting with blooms

shining emerald brilliance


buds, petals and blossoms 

rejoicing in their cool

milky-pink rose quartz glow


fairies and fae folk 

dancing and singing

round an endless fountain 


love abundant, pouring

from the endless depths 

of my eternal soul

I pulled the card

not knowing

just desperate

seeking the answers to unasked questions

Lotus guru

Blooming

like dance

Smiling as she colorfully unfurls

I didn’t feel it then

the weight

of petals

pulling themselves delicately apart

It’s hard work

being gentle

letting go

unraveling to reveal hidden glories

Happening silently

frustratingly

bit by bit

until nothing is left but undoing

Thrusting vulnerability

exposing

inviting

giving all to possibilities

Spreading wide open

expanding

exploding

willing to fall completely apart

And watching myself fall

bit by bit

beautiful peices

collapsing back into myself

An act of violence

this blooming

this undoing

itself cannot be undone

Yet these dead petals

decaying

become more

feeding the blooms of tomorrows

So, I have a bit of a problem. I collect lotions, potions, powders and herbs galore! I have a kitchen apothecary and a bathroom apothecary, both filled with jars of ingredients for me to choose from when I make teas or other magickal blends.

My collectionof various herbs and petals

My selection of oils and powders

A favorite pastime is creating custom pampering concoctions from all my ingredients! One simple but very effective one is a face mask I make using only two main ingredients (sometimes I add essential oils or herbs to tweak the effects a bit one way or another though). The first ingredient is Bentonite Clay, an extremely pulling and purifying base, and the second is Apple Cider Vinegar, which is a clarifying and refreshing activator.

Together they make a cooling, green mud to slather all over your face (and decolletage too if you like)! It’s super satisfying to apply and stays well, slowly drying over time to draw out impurities as you wait.

Someone say mud monster?!

Haha yea, it was meeee…

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! Rinse with warm water and follow with a mist or dabs of Witch Hazel (or your favorite moisturizing toner).