Trembling, afraid
I cower in the shadows

Feeling the booming
of ancient, endless voice

It calls to me in bellows
knocking me off my feet

the tenacity of its power
leaving me to bow eternally 



“Shakti, COME FORTH”
I am called into the magick

“Bhajan, SING!”
My voice emerges, rising –

Surprised by the echos
Divinity pouring from my mouth

Tears fall from my eyes
as all feeling consumes my heart



The pain lifts as melodies
soulful and deep as cavernous wounds

The joy of transformation follows
like the delicate whispers of bird songs

A feeling of expansion emanating
empty space ever growing in my chest

My heart encompassing all of it
even those things I desperately tried to forget



Further still, penetrating my center –
from within the hot, golden will of my destiny

Sounds of purification and laughter
songs of broken, healed and longing let be

The wind and tunes all tumble
escaping finally from their cage of fear

Suddenly, as though forever
I am again as I was always meant to be



“Shakti Bhajan, claim your birthright”
I hear as I am guided into astral ceremony 

To the temple of my own discovery
where mayryanna lays on the sacrificial stone

I see her there, so brilliantly clear
all her conditions and grooming laid bare

Watching as the song I sing
releases her limits into the ether, leaving me



I watch the trauma of little May
her confusion and pain all melting away

I see the hatred and anger of grief
as self-inflicted wounds of youth still bleed

I witness the poison of codependency
festering and fighting against the purge

Singing a song of terrors, all –
at once and again consumed by Love



Finally, her whole being dissolved
mayryanna was lifted into the heavens

Golden-rainbow dust foating
up from where her brokenness let go

No pain, no fear, no justification
simply a returning to sacred bliss

And as I watched her leave
I found within me her memories, reclaimed

“27!” I exclaim in my own mind. I have a funny smile on my face, holding a penny in my right hand while reaching into my left pocket with my other, feeling for the penny and quarter I picked up just minutes ago. “They’re both still there,” I consider briefly, “the penny didn’t just fall out – this is a NEW ONE!”

Yay, PENNIES!

Why am I so excited over just one more cent? Well, it would seem I’ve been playing a little game lately, with the Divine…

Starting Unannounced

At first, it was 12 cents. Two pennies and a dime that were found in the couch and left to sit on the side table. No one seemed to care about them, as they lay there with a few odd peices of trash.

I cleaned up the small pile of refuse, carefully removing the 3 coins and placing them in my pocket. Just hours later, a meme appeared on my screen, catching my eye. I don’t recall exactly what it said, but it was remarking on how a truly rich person sees the value in every penny.

It felt like an invitation, so I accepted. I am now officially a value scout, looking for each and every cent that may be left to the wayside as the bills and cards do the grunt work…

Making Metaphysical Investments

No, I don’t believe I will somehow amass a fortune one penny at a time. I do however believe that our actions create reactions, and that some of the most powerful reverberating effects happen as a result of some of the smallest, but also most intentional acts.

That’s why I’m picking up pennies like I just won the lottery. I am creating the frequency of gratitude and appreciation in my life, for every blessing, not just the BIG ones. I believe this small effort will be powerfully metaphysically transformative…

For example, let’s say you have a friend who you’ve tried to give little, “silly” gifts to from time to time. Little notes, funny shaped rocks, fresh plucked flowers – nothing expensive, but all heart felt. How would you feel about this person if they never seemed to care?

If every time your little gestures of love went ignored or even snubbed, would you keep trying to bless them? Maybe for a while, but eventually you’re going to learn to shower your affections elsewhere – and who would blame you??

Well, I’m seeing these pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters clearly for the first time: these little, inconsequential blessings are my opportunity to practice recieving. The Divine desires to shower me with all the abundance of its love and, in these small ways, is testing to see if I am willing and able to be blessed.

Not the Only Example of My Recent Internal Paradigm Shifts

In addition to the change in how I’m viewing change, I’m coming into a ever expanding awareness of my wealth as well. And I don’t mean financial…

I am fast becoming unable to ignore the blessings of my high caliber global network and the endless opportunities it creates for meaningful, creative work. I cannot deny my dozens of loving brothers and sisters around the world who actively invest in my growth, development and journey…. Or the amazing group of yogis I am blessed to be a part of, grow with and learn from locally.

The real kicker though?! I am profoundly coming into the awareness of my own value, capabilities and growth.

All that bullshit I’ve waded through to get here? Yep, it’s all gold now! The traumas, trials and tribulations of my past have been alchemized and transmuted by my commitment, love and devotion. I now have an endless amount of inspiration, experience and stories to offer the world… and it’s all EXTREMELY VALUABLE!

Redesigning My Future with Clarity

Overcoming depression, anxiety and C-PTSD without costly pharmaceuticals or therapy? Yep, did that. I can teach it. I can help people… Will it be easy for them? Hell no – they will have to fight through their karmic densities, confront their demons and grooming, killing their ego again and again – but for a serious soul that is seeking true liberation, it’s the only way and I’m honored to have the opportunity to share it…

My inner Wild Woman surveying her domain

Rediscovering magick, reenchanting life and creating an intentional future? Yep, I got you. I can guide and encourage souls on their own Shamanic journey to the underworld and back. Again, not an easy option or something you’ll find on an infomercial that swears it’s all you’ve ever needed, but it’s REAL and it works so I’m genuinely proud to have that experience available to offer others who are on the path.

Utilizing the breath, movement and sound as biological technologies in order to amplify the highest qualities of one’s being whilst also clearing and purifying global karma? Yep, I’m learning that too and it’s changing my life every day. It’s certainly an education that I feel honored and privileged to recieve and I cannot wait to help others help themselves with it too.

Kundalini Whites on the Mountain

Tapping into Divine source for messages of guidance, healing love energy or the ability to teach without ego? Yep, I call it “getting out of the way” and it’s truly all I’m really good at. I am inspired to share my channeling abilities with others and bless them myself, but even more excited about encouraging and helping others to find their own channels and reconnect directly with the Divine themselves in these ways… And there could never be anything more valuable than that.

Writing clearly about subversive and unpopular topics that have the potential to change the course of human history? Oh hey! I can even do that!

I could keep going, but I think my point has been made. I AM VALUABLE. Incredibly valuable… and it’s time I start acting like it and treating myself with the respect I would give any person that I consider successful, wealthy and accomplished.

These pennies are small reminders right now of just how powerful I can be – but I’m set on learning and it won’t be long before the Divine has rightly built confidence in my appreciation… I expect the little gifts to grow in proportion to my faith, but I am also committed to celebrating every single cent along the way too.

Image: Facebook

Blessed be my beloveds! I hope each of you find a penny for yourselves today too…

No thought
consuming
No reason 
yet, I sink –

soft cushions 
fluffy clouds 
sweet company 
on a bed of nails

the fantasy 
includes danger 
adrenaline 
leading me on

To fall back 
completely 
To let go
carrying on 

There’s bitter 
in sweetness
There is hope
in deepest fear

Paralyzed only
by wonderment
Motivated ultimately 
by devoted love

It started with some pickle juice; an attempt to ease a headache that was going on 30 hours… I was exhausted, I hadn’t been able to remember things for hours and was even forgetting the conversation I was having mid sentence before finally excusing myself for bed by 7:30pm.

Once I drank a sip though, I was soon eating a pickle, and then some blackberries… Before I knew it I didn’t have a headache, but I was definitely not fasting anymore either. My evening binging monster got me again the moment my willpower had run out.

Offering Myself Forgiveness and Understanding

I have felt a lot of things today about what happened last night. A part of me wanted to give up this morning, feeling amazing until the realization of why I didn’t have a headache anymore sank in, truly for the first time.

I felt like a complete failure. I felt sad and frustrated with myself. I was angry too – I had been working so hard, just to blow it?!

I let the discomfort come and go, deciding to resume my fast, noting that a mistake is only a failure if you let it stop you. So, I forgave myself and then started looking for clues to my behavior, trying to understand what happened and why so that I can be more prepared to handle the same situation in the future.

Image: Facebook

Finding Unlikely Allies Amidst the Disappointment

I began to think over the incident with curiosity instead of judgement and was surprised by what I found. Despite “disobeying,” my body and compulsion really tried to keep to my commitment in their own subtle way. Somehow, I managed to stay under 500 calories during my binge, which, given that it was all I ate yesterday, still left me in a caloric deficit sufficiently low enough to still encourage the cellular and metabolic benefits of “fasting.”

How? Why? I’ve been pondering this all day. I believe I was asking too much, too fast, and this was my body and mind’s way of letting me know that.

Yet, given the lack of conscious control I displayed last night, I can’t help but believe that they don’t want to stop the fast either. Somehow, by finding that moderation between my extreme ideals and completely giving up subconsciously last night, I now feel more encouraged to continue than ever!

Image: Facebook

Redefining Success… Again

I can see now just how much my ego wanted to be calling the shots for my fast. It created an almost impossible regimen, probably to trap me in failure and give me a reason to return to feeling sorry for myself. Well, not this time.

I’m adjusting my regimen accordingly, allowing for some watered down bone broth when I feel overwhelmed by detox symptoms. I may find other supplementation as well, but I am still beginning every day fasting and will not be exceeding the 500 calorie mark for the remainder of my water fast (the juices I will start consuming on Tuesday will bring me out of this extreme fasted state, and I will continue supplementing as needed but without calorie restrictions).

The point of this process isn’t to prove myself perfect at fasting, it’s to learn and discover things about myself. Therefore, last night’s “mistake” has been just as essential to this experience as any other one will be.

Image: Wake Up World

Extending My New Conceptions of Moderation

This experience actually helped me to release attachments of my ego in another respect as well. I have been trying to abstain from making purchases of “things” since October 2019 but have found myself breaking that commitment to buy presents for international friends at Christmas time and now considering purchases as I will be exploring alternative housing options in the second half of 2020.

I will be taking my cats and living as a nomad from my van for at least 3 months, traveling through many western states and even British Columbia – so I ordered pet IDs and Passports for both my cats. I also bought a bike and am looking at a trailer/stroller combo for my cats so that they can accompany me when I leave the van too. Despite these things becoming necessary as upcoming changes in my life have become apparent, I have felt incredibly guilty too (oh ego, can’t you just leave me be! I’M TRYING).

This recent experience has helped me to cement a growing suspicion I’ve had lately: it’s not about buying nothing, it’s about buying the right things. That’s why I bought a bike: I love riding but have never owned my own bike as an adult, I also believe it is one of the most efficient modes of personal transportation, and essentially it’s a purchase that will bring me enjoyment, improve my quality of life and expand my sustainable independence.

Image: Facebook

Learning, Adapting and Growing in Love

The peice of my personal New Year’s Divination in which I was told what would help me achieve my goals this year is making more and more sense: “balance and moderation.” I have always been an extremist, and it’s always fed my ego’s proclivity to self-sabotage. Well, not any more.

Sure, I’m me – I will probably never stop trying to challenge myself – but, I’m starting to realize that doesn’t always have to include extremes. I can still learn from this fast, even with a more practical regimen. I can still be a mindful consumer and make smart purchases.

What’s important is that my goals are actually benefiting me. Adhering strictly to extreme ideals might be appropriate for a professional athlete who sacrifices their body for their sport, but I’m seeking an optimal and masterful lifestyle for myself. Which I’m beginning to find also means I am seeking a more balanced and moderate lifestyle.

Image: http://www.awakening-intuition.com

Accepting My Own Grace and Appreciation

I just finished sipping a cup of warm broth. I have a slight detox headache but have managed to subdue the light-headedness I had as a result of trying to do too much today. I’m feeling silly about it, but appreciative that I am committed to providing myself with what I need – even if my ego has to step aside.

I’m sure I will find new ways to make mistakes on this fasting journey, but I am determined to offer myself grace again and again in order to continue and overcome. After all, there really is no ultimate that I am trying to achieve. Optimization and mastery are never ending – they are a way of succeeding as well as a way of failing.

In these ways, I’m finally learning to trust myself at 31 years old. Yes, I have traumas to heal, bad habits to overcome and good ones to create, but I’m also an incredible soul, mind and body that have chosen to align for the betterment of this world. I can’t do everything, but I can do the work of healing and use it to encourage others by sharing what I learn. And you know what? I think I’m happy to be just that, that I am.

Image: Facebook

Blessed be darlings! May you all offer yourselves the grace to find balance in your own lives as well.

This past week has been a doozy for me. I had to go back and look at last week’s Divination just to get a grip for this week’s spread – and of course, found comfort seeing the obstacles, prayers and discomfort all laid out for me even before the week had started. I’m telling you, being the channel does not excuse you from having to learn the lessons…

Regardless, the wheel keeps turning and the lessons keep coming – it’s time for a new week and new discoveries! Let’s dive right in:

True Metamorphosis

The Oracle Decks used this week: Kuan Yin, Dragonfae and Dragon

A caterpillar does not simply become a butterfly, it must first undergo complete dissolution into cosmic goop and be stitched anew, cell by cell, via its transformation. In this same way, seeking our highest expression requires an ability to let go of what we think we know in order to fully trust in the wisdom that’s “beyond” us (in this instance, namely our egos).

As we officially begin a new year and new decade this week, we are all being called to consider our own metamorphosis. What might we become if we become what we were always destined to be?

Trusting Our Own Truth

Orchid Priestess of Destiny- Kuan Yin Oracle Deck

This beautiful Kuan Yin card asks us to go within, deep within, to those places inside of our soul that persist beyond conditioning and compromise. We are being called back to that place of Destiny.

To do this, we must understand that destiny and karma are not opposed. The soul must fulfill its destiny, but it also has to navigate karma all along the way in order to do so.

Often, there is a sense that if something is destined it will come to pass no matter what. This is true, but not in the sense that fate clears the way and sets things up so that karma isn’t an issue at all. Destiny will come to pass no matter what, even if you have to struggle through thousands of years of karma to make it happen.

This card asks us to find that truth, the one that persists beyond the coordination of this time and place, straight into the purest extension of our infinity. We are all being called to return to our most pure and potent potentiality, that central point of being in which we are empowered to act with clarity and discernment – even avoiding unnecessary karma through an alignment with our eternal destiny – but how do we do that exactly?

Listening for Our Own Voice

The Listener – Oracle of the Dragonfae Deck

We all need to just shut the f^ck up. Seriously.

Information is like a plague upon our modern world, and in all our desperation to attain knowledge we have lost something that was already gifted to us from the beginning of time: wisdom. That still, small voice that exists even amidst deafening silence is the key – we must return to that place of “peace that passes understanding” within us.

In many ways, this is a conscious stripping away of justifications, excuses and “evidences” we have hard saught throughout our karmic cycles. As such an act of destruction and decay, it will be painful and we may even experience feelings of sorrow and grief. This discomfort is actually a great sign that you are doing the work and decluttering your destiny of unnecessary karma.

In Buddhism we can learn that attachments are the roots of our suffering, and therefore to truly detach will often require a purge of that suffering. This isn’t to say that every attachment is undesirable or unjustifiable; in truth, grief is the cost of love, but that doesn’t make love an unworthy pursuit. Rather, acceptance of grief along with love can keep us from attaching to unrealistic expectations of love, ultimately making the experience of that love more conscientious and fulfilling.

It is in this same way that listening, coming into our stillness and quiet, can reacquaint us with the wisdom on the other side of our knowledge. Sacred silence offers us the space to rediscover our endlessness and the endlessness of our world. It can help break up densities and shift perspectives, reaquainting us with the true magick of our wisdom that extends beyond mere understanding and enables us to find faith.

Making a Universal Stand

Earth Dragon – Dragon Oracle Cards Deck

This final card has a beautiful duplicity to it. It portends both clearing as well as grounding. Perhaps the clearing is the less obvious power play here, so let’s start there.

Earth isn’t merely a passive entity on which we enact our life’s dramas, but rather an active and powerful spiritual body, ever working alongside us on our spiritual paths. There is a reason we bury people when they die and why all life eventually decays and “returns to the earth,” this planet is a powerful alchemist, capable of taking in and reabsorbing matter, which also enables her own infinite destiny of creation.

In this way we see the pattern of metamorphosis emerging again. The earth is in a constant state of metamorphosis, as we all are, and it is in this place that we find her power of clearing.

This isn’t a clearing in which all is forgotten, never to be remembered and thus everything is fundamentally changed forever, having no entanglements to the past at all. Rather, this is the true clearing work of decomposition and reconstruction. This clearing work recognizes that for something to truly be no more, it must become something else.

This is why truth and destiny are eternal: the past is never truly gone, just merely recycled into the future. We have all heard that “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it,” and this is why. There is truly “nothing new under the sun.”

Which is precisely where we can find our grounding: not in the elements that will endlessly change, but in the integrity of cosmic flux and change itself. What remains despite all else? What are the things that cannot be destroyed? What of these cosmic and eternal powers exist within us?

The Power of Coming Undone

As we all set out to begin this new era, may we be bold and brave – may we be able to strip away the unnecessary karma and realign with our true destinies. Might we all be willing to submit ourselves fully to the alchemical processes of existence and be reduced to the bare necessities of spirit and soul in order to be restitched through our own Divine metamorphoses.

May the fear, conditioning and justifications of the past all decay and dissolve into the primal, cosmic soup of endless possibilities once again. May we all dare to dream new dreams, and might they all be filled by the most ancient and holy Truth. In these ways, might we all be realigned with our destinies and begin 2020 with the empowerment and freedom of finally releasing our unnecessary karma.

Blessed Be my Beloveds, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!