No thought
consuming
No reason 
yet, I sink –

soft cushions 
fluffy clouds 
sweet company 
on a bed of nails

the fantasy 
includes danger 
adrenaline 
leading me on

To fall back 
completely 
To let go
carrying on 

There’s bitter 
in sweetness
There is hope
in deepest fear

Paralyzed only
by wonderment
Motivated ultimately 
by devoted love

This past week has been a doozy for me. I had to go back and look at last week’s Divination just to get a grip for this week’s spread – and of course, found comfort seeing the obstacles, prayers and discomfort all laid out for me even before the week had started. I’m telling you, being the channel does not excuse you from having to learn the lessons…

Regardless, the wheel keeps turning and the lessons keep coming – it’s time for a new week and new discoveries! Let’s dive right in:

True Metamorphosis

The Oracle Decks used this week: Kuan Yin, Dragonfae and Dragon

A caterpillar does not simply become a butterfly, it must first undergo complete dissolution into cosmic goop and be stitched anew, cell by cell, via its transformation. In this same way, seeking our highest expression requires an ability to let go of what we think we know in order to fully trust in the wisdom that’s “beyond” us (in this instance, namely our egos).

As we officially begin a new year and new decade this week, we are all being called to consider our own metamorphosis. What might we become if we become what we were always destined to be?

Trusting Our Own Truth

Orchid Priestess of Destiny- Kuan Yin Oracle Deck

This beautiful Kuan Yin card asks us to go within, deep within, to those places inside of our soul that persist beyond conditioning and compromise. We are being called back to that place of Destiny.

To do this, we must understand that destiny and karma are not opposed. The soul must fulfill its destiny, but it also has to navigate karma all along the way in order to do so.

Often, there is a sense that if something is destined it will come to pass no matter what. This is true, but not in the sense that fate clears the way and sets things up so that karma isn’t an issue at all. Destiny will come to pass no matter what, even if you have to struggle through thousands of years of karma to make it happen.

This card asks us to find that truth, the one that persists beyond the coordination of this time and place, straight into the purest extension of our infinity. We are all being called to return to our most pure and potent potentiality, that central point of being in which we are empowered to act with clarity and discernment – even avoiding unnecessary karma through an alignment with our eternal destiny – but how do we do that exactly?

Listening for Our Own Voice

The Listener – Oracle of the Dragonfae Deck

We all need to just shut the f^ck up. Seriously.

Information is like a plague upon our modern world, and in all our desperation to attain knowledge we have lost something that was already gifted to us from the beginning of time: wisdom. That still, small voice that exists even amidst deafening silence is the key – we must return to that place of “peace that passes understanding” within us.

In many ways, this is a conscious stripping away of justifications, excuses and “evidences” we have hard saught throughout our karmic cycles. As such an act of destruction and decay, it will be painful and we may even experience feelings of sorrow and grief. This discomfort is actually a great sign that you are doing the work and decluttering your destiny of unnecessary karma.

In Buddhism we can learn that attachments are the roots of our suffering, and therefore to truly detach will often require a purge of that suffering. This isn’t to say that every attachment is undesirable or unjustifiable; in truth, grief is the cost of love, but that doesn’t make love an unworthy pursuit. Rather, acceptance of grief along with love can keep us from attaching to unrealistic expectations of love, ultimately making the experience of that love more conscientious and fulfilling.

It is in this same way that listening, coming into our stillness and quiet, can reacquaint us with the wisdom on the other side of our knowledge. Sacred silence offers us the space to rediscover our endlessness and the endlessness of our world. It can help break up densities and shift perspectives, reaquainting us with the true magick of our wisdom that extends beyond mere understanding and enables us to find faith.

Making a Universal Stand

Earth Dragon – Dragon Oracle Cards Deck

This final card has a beautiful duplicity to it. It portends both clearing as well as grounding. Perhaps the clearing is the less obvious power play here, so let’s start there.

Earth isn’t merely a passive entity on which we enact our life’s dramas, but rather an active and powerful spiritual body, ever working alongside us on our spiritual paths. There is a reason we bury people when they die and why all life eventually decays and “returns to the earth,” this planet is a powerful alchemist, capable of taking in and reabsorbing matter, which also enables her own infinite destiny of creation.

In this way we see the pattern of metamorphosis emerging again. The earth is in a constant state of metamorphosis, as we all are, and it is in this place that we find her power of clearing.

This isn’t a clearing in which all is forgotten, never to be remembered and thus everything is fundamentally changed forever, having no entanglements to the past at all. Rather, this is the true clearing work of decomposition and reconstruction. This clearing work recognizes that for something to truly be no more, it must become something else.

This is why truth and destiny are eternal: the past is never truly gone, just merely recycled into the future. We have all heard that “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it,” and this is why. There is truly “nothing new under the sun.”

Which is precisely where we can find our grounding: not in the elements that will endlessly change, but in the integrity of cosmic flux and change itself. What remains despite all else? What are the things that cannot be destroyed? What of these cosmic and eternal powers exist within us?

The Power of Coming Undone

As we all set out to begin this new era, may we be bold and brave – may we be able to strip away the unnecessary karma and realign with our true destinies. Might we all be willing to submit ourselves fully to the alchemical processes of existence and be reduced to the bare necessities of spirit and soul in order to be restitched through our own Divine metamorphoses.

May the fear, conditioning and justifications of the past all decay and dissolve into the primal, cosmic soup of endless possibilities once again. May we all dare to dream new dreams, and might they all be filled by the most ancient and holy Truth. In these ways, might we all be realigned with our destinies and begin 2020 with the empowerment and freedom of finally releasing our unnecessary karma.

Blessed Be my Beloveds, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Showing up for the Yin yoga class my sister teaches at our local wellness center last night, I was cheerfully greeted by one of my Kundalini teachers at the front desk. “Oh Mayry! I’m so glad you’re here, it’s so good to see you!” Her smile was so big her eyes scrunched together to make room.

Now, this isn’t uncommon for the vibes at Taspens, but last night was also special because I had just officially registered for the Kundalini teacher training course they will be offering in the fall. I beamed right back at her, filled with joy and excitement for being a part of this incredible local tribe.

I was a bit early for the Yin class and began some light conversation. The owner of Taspens and a woman I consider a personal guru of mine joined in as well. She also teaches Kundalini and was excited to let me know a few of my next steps.

“I’ll schedule a call with the teacher for you, to discuss a few things,” she said, and then went on to mention the mandatory Saturday Sadhana practices during the course and signing the code of conduct at the end to get our certification. I nodded along in agreement, smiling.

Suddenly, my attention shifted though, “the code is essentially a commitment to the yogic lifestyle. So, trying for a vegetarian diet, abstaining from drugs…” Right there, “uh oh,” I thought as I shifted uneasily on my feet.

Honoring My Truth

I have been leaning vegetarian for the last dozen years but, no drugs? Given that I just found my hag stone after my plant medicine retreat in June and, according to my own personal beliefs, have thus been officially called to the Shamanic path, I worried this might actually be a problem.

“So…” I started, interrupting the flow of chatter between the teachers, “if I were unable to sign the code because I’ve been called to the Shamanic path, would I still be able to take the course?” I asked, nervously.

Shamanism is a part of my path for sure, but I’ve also been called to Kundalini. Not being able to reconcile the too seemed completely wrong – Pachamama had come to me through Ayahuasca AND through Kundalini, how could they be opposed?

“Yes,” both teachers exclaimed, looking at me and then each other, then back at me. They started, “and it’s just about trying your best, we understand some people have to eat meat for medical reasons… Maybe just try it for 40 days, you might be surprised…”

I cut in again, “I have no problem with the diet, it’s just that… I am called to the utilization of ‘drugs’ on a ceremonial basis for medicinal and religious purposes.” They seemed to finally understand what I meant now, their eyes widening to fully ingest what I was saying. “Oh, no, well – he just wants to get everything out in the open up front so there are no suprises when it’s time to sign the code… But, you will talk to him so you can mention that. If at the end you don’t sign, that will always be your choice to make.” My guru finished, half-smiling.

The big smile returned to my face and both teachers responded with large smiles blooming across theirs as well. “Okay awesome,” I sighed, relieved.

Embracing the Unknown

Now, some may wonder, “what’s the point of taking Kundalini teacher training if you know you won’t be able to get certified?!” And honestly, I don’t blame them.

In this world of achievement laden “value,” it would seem I am setting out to rob myself. After all, the certification is the reason for undergoing any professional training, is it not? Well, I suppose it’s not for me.

Some might say I should just lie, or withhold the truth, sign the code anyway. Others might tell me I need to really consider the code and whether I truly feel called to both of these seemingly “contradictory” paths, or even something to the tune of “perhaps your plant medicine experiences are behind you and this is the next step in your development?” To be sure, I’ve thought all these things for myself already too.

But, I cannot lie. Fundamentally, my commitment to authenticity and truth is what has aligned me with my path, and subsequently both of these paths too. And undoubtedly, I feel beyond called to both of them, I am already connected and intertwined with them spiritually. Finally, given the parts that plant medicine has played in my past, I cannot in good consciousness banish all plant medicines from my life in the future – regardless of how well meaning my intention is in doing so.

No, the mental gymnastics to be done here are not to rectify me to the norm – it’s the opposite. I will be a Kundalini Shaman and I will learn to walk this line with grace and appreciation.

Letting Mayryanna Bloom

Somehow it all seems better suited anyway… I’m not just a guru, I’m a Rockstar Guru. I’m not just a yogi, I’m a Rebel Yogi. I’m not just a Shaman, I’m an Modern Eclectic Pagan Medicine Woman who researches and utilizes a variety of ancient spiritual healing modalities to live my authentically powerful life to the fullest – all without shame, malice or discontentment.

I don’t need a certificate. I will proudly slap “Unofficial” to the front of my teacher title and gratefully explain my why to everyone who cares.

This “inconvenient truth” will not detract from me at all, no. This will only empower me more. By allowing myself unpopular distinctions, I will emerge unparalleled.

By allowing myself unpopular distinctions, I will emerge unparalleled.

So, after some careful reflections and considerations, I’m even more excited to study Kundalini now! Certification shmertification – nothing compares to a soul that fully embraces its fate, inconveniences and all (shout out to Nietzsche for his concept of Amor Fati). I am simply grateful for the opportunity to learn, to grow and to further become this gloriously inglorious woman: Mayryanna.