I woke up this morning at 7:30am and was calm. Much calmer than I had felt all day yesterday, and I dare say, calmer than I’ve felt in a while.

I had 30 more minutes of my dry fasting period before I could drink water and it’s Saturday, so I laid in bed with my snuggling kittens and got caught up on messages. Before I knew it, it was almost 9am and I was being startled back to my own reality when one of my best friends AND my boyfriend both messaged to ask how my first sip was… and I had to admit that I had forgotten all about it!

Reinstated Self-Control

Even when reminded, though the feeling of thirst instantaneously reemerged in my awareness, I remained calm. I didn’t dash straight to the sink and slobber up my refreshment as desperately as I had longed to yesterday – I didn’t even immediately get up! I remained and observed, curious about this new sensation of peace I was unexpectedly experiencing.

When I did get up, it was still in calmness. I kissed each of my kittens, pulled on my White Tiger onesie and brushed my hair, found my favorite water bottle and washed it – contemplated adding lemon as I usually do but then decided to stick with pure, unadulterated H20 before I filled it up… And even then, I didn’t drink. I went and sat down.

When I would finally take my first sip of water, it was already passed 9:30am. I popped the cap on my water bottle and slowly let the cool, refreshing and life giving nectar pour over my parched lips, feeling the sensation of refreshment consuming me as it cascaded down my tongue and into the back of my throat. It felt 100% erotic.

I may never drink water the same, ever again.

Rediscovering Sanctity

Having sacrificed water, even for just a day, has indeed helped me make it sacred. By withholding this most basic necessity for life from myself, I have become more fundamentally aware of my blessings and grateful for everything.

I feel astonishingly in awe of the technology I’m blessed to live with. The fact that this cool, crisp, life-giving nectar is available to me 24/7 at the turn of a nob is exceptionally wonderful. Yes, I have always *known this, but I feel I truly understand the magnitude of this fact’s significance for the first time in my life right now at 31 years old.

Prompt from my Question App today

Three decades is a long time to live without understanding one’s most basic blessings. Three decades is a long time to go without ever truly appreciating the sensual and nourishing qualities of water. It’s taken me my whole life so far, but I’m so glad to have finally gotten HERE.

Moving Forward into Deeper Layers

For now, I am reveling in the bliss and enchantment of simply drinking water, but I am sure to be feeling to the discomforts of abstaining from food in the next few days. There will certainly be many more challenges and discoveries.

I am feeling more confident and resolved than ever though, ready to break through the next challenge and the next. I’m excited for the lessons to come and invigorated by my short term success.

There is certainly a beauty to starting with the hardest challenge – I feel I have the strength to overcome anything now that I have faced my own biological fear of dying from thirst. If my mind can be an observer of my fear and pain in those most desperate moments, what can’t it do? If my heart can remain committed, if my soul will provide the grace – there is truly nothing that can intimidate me anymore.

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Internal and External Graces

The change isn’t as simple as can be explained. It’s not just the renewed sense of confidence, or even experiencing romantic and sensual layers to the often ignored blessings of life – it’s so much more.

I feel an upwelling of grace. My ability to overcome, blossoming. Stagnation and densities breaking apart, both within myself as well as without…

It feels like magick. And why, my beloveds, would anyone ever choose to settle for less?

Remnants from a personal magick ceremony performed yesterday at the height of the Lunar Eclipse

Blessed be my beloveds! May you all be inspired to challenge your own privileges and conditioning as well.

Still so strange, this surge of energy I feel after being told to “rest and relax…” To be fair, I was quite pumped up already, so maybe it isn’t from the commission itself – but, what I’m experiencing is still so odd nevertheless, no matter the causes.

I feel – charged, yet, subdued too. Perhaps this is why I was also told that “balance and moderation” would be the key to fulfilling this commission. I must find that place within that is inspired to act, not from obligation but rather, intrinsically. I must come back to my Self, my center and my soul’s destiny.

Not Actually Remembering

In the recent past, I’ve talked to others on this healing journey about the sensation of “remembering OneSelf,” and how the wisdom we are “gaining” feels reclaimed or even uncovered rather than attained. Yet, I’m beginning to realize, what I am being invited back to now was never something I “forgot.” What I’m being called back to is what I could never lose.

My fear, the fear of losing THISNESS, has distracted and stolen the peace of THISNESS from me – but Divine grace has always remained intact regardless of my own delusions. I cannot, not be. I am that I am – it’s all the same: existence begetting endlessness.

I’m not remembering these things, I AM these things. I am now simply BEing in the Truth instead of constructing a narrative about the truth. In this way, I am releasing everything that isn’t this THISNESS, BEing and Truth.

All that can be lost, must be lost…

Given that I cannot lose this most fundamental and Divine part of myself, I must endeavor to lose everything else! What could be better than to fully align with Divinity? What goal or achievement could ever compare to Divine rapture?

It has never been about what I am here to gain, do or become – all of those delusions fueled by my fear and ego – rather, I am here to shed any and all that I am that isn’t Divine, BEing or THISNESS. Instead of planning to survive, succeed and overcome, I need to be throwing mySelf mercilessly into the most dangerous and terrifying opportunities available. It will be in these fires that I am eternally refined.

There is Nothing to be Gained

I am not unwhole. I am no longer apart from or a part of the Divine. I AM, everything I could ever need, want, desire, imagine or dream… There is nothing I could ever gain or even have, for in the Divine I AM ALL, THAT I AM.

I do not need a home, I carry Home within me everywhere. I do not need sustenance, I AM endlessly sustained. I desire no title, appointment or recognition, because I am honored intrinsically. I do not long for love or companionship, for there is no separation within me from All.

Every delight and delicacy is available to me, now and always. My joy and bliss know no bounds for I no longer impose the conditions of my ego’s understanding upon my acceptance and appreciation of Divine grace. Truly, the only limits ever available to me were those of ignorance and by accepting the invitation to step into the realm of miracles everything I experience is now effectively miraculous.

Gently, Sweetly, Easily –

No extremes, just balance. Moderate, patient and slow. Infinity is never in a rush, I have all the Time – in this world and every Other.

There is no “right way” to be Divine. The “right way” and the “wrong way” are BOTH ego’s way. Perhaps that’s why the spiritual path in ancient times was often referred to as the “middle way.”

Yes, I must thrust myself into the unknown with full faith, but I must do so tenderly. My assurance isn’t waiting for me to “arrive” somewhere and any actions I take will not be forced, even if they may be force-full.

Holding Uncontainable Truth

I can feel language failing me here, for how can I “must” if there is nothing to be gained? It is the elaborate and intricate enmeshing with the Divine that has created again, not a sense of obligation or condition, but rather a compulsory charge or stimulation that has in turn created Sense of these “inevitablities” within me – or more accurately, I am connecting purely with this Sense for having purged the false senses of ego’s infatuations and fears.

No anxiety, no pressure, no stress – just acceptance. My “must” is my might, and by placing my faith in the Divine, I have effectively enacted the will of God – the most formidable and only authentic might in existence. Everything I have ever “tried” to do before this act never empowered me because it wasn’t constructed from this most essential form of power.

A Redeemed Redeemer

It is for this reason that I can now face insecurity, rejection and poverty without fear, disappointment or discomfort. Amidst the greatest tragedies of existence I will be empowered; my strength and will not limited by requirements of validation or progress, but instead fully capable of staying in the discomfort and pain in order to acknowledge, honor and heal it.

That is the True power of God: redemption. In order to be fully committed to the Divine I must be willing to accept all blessings, even those most magnificent and extraordinary ones, which often involve a great deal of redemption.

In this way, I am both redeemed as well as redeeming. I am healed and healing. I am the Divine cycle of life itself. I have no attachments to my ego’s desperate attempts to orchestrate and control – I must simply allow. Assuredly, both my acceptance or resistance, when informed by the Divine, can be fully trusted and yet – I have never felt more acceptance and less resistance in my entire life.

Be Blessed Beloveds, Blessed BE –

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