I stopped looking 
and found you

Beneath forgotten
back behind my fear

You were waiting
for me to see you

Patiently ignored 
singing silent songs

I tried desperately 
not to hear you

Fixated on my loss
determining distance

I was afraid to feel
and created a sepsis

Denial of my love
circulating my pain

Ever deeper, digging
even bigger, growing

Until I had to be blind
even deafening myself 

Turning cold, draining
all enjoyment from life

And still, you remained
ever present in my denial

Until today, when gave up
I let myself be, entirely –

And there you were
waiting for my return

It stung to feel you again
after so long running

I collapsed into your arms
losing all strength and pride

It hurt, the gravity
I had been falling up

Such a long way
to come back down

To come back in
to find the truth

Settling into the gaping –
the harsh realities of life

My grief for having lost
for not being able to hold

yet being held in it
I found it was love

Tears fell from my eyes
into your subtle ether –

You smiled, I cried harder
weeping for the chasm

Realizing I pushed you
but you never left me

I was afraid of this
the cost of true love

The mourning that came
watching you struggle

The grief of separateness
exaggerated by death

Yet, here and now
in this beautiful surrender

Reminded of your wonder –
how could I forsake you?

You are worth the pain
Loving you is worth the grief

I cannot have you in my arms 
so I’ll adore you from afar

I’ll find you in my days
in the miracles and majesty

I’ll find you in my nights
comforted by memories 

In the unseeking way
of brilliant synchronicity

I welcome all of you
every joy and every pain

Thank you for your being
Thank you for your going 

Thank you for reminding me
of just how deep love is

No thought
No reason 
yet, I sink –

soft cushions 
fluffy clouds 
sweet company 
on a bed of nails

the fantasy 
includes danger 
leading me on

To fall back 
To let go
carrying on 

There’s bitter 
in sweetness
There is hope
in deepest fear

Paralyzed only
by wonderment
Motivated ultimately 
by devoted love

I think about writing a lot
I call it incubating but
I heard that somewhere 

A lot of what I think is borrowed
I fear I don’t know what I know
Yet, that also thrills me 

My life is simply a string of
unknowings and discovery
A ride – my hands up in air

It’s better this way – open 
Even if I fall, I’ll greet death
Arms wide, wearing a smile

You see, I don’t just want to be
I don’t want to do or have
I don’t even want to say

I want to animate and enliven
I want to write philosophies that
read as poetry off salivating tongues

I want to set free, as I have been
Encourage, despite everything 
Finding how to be, working to be it

A blood-red flag flies 
War on the horizon
started in ignorance 
to end with more hate

Soot and ash fill skies
fires consuming all
the world watching
koalas n’ kangaroos die

All sense in me cries
my heart heavy with grief
but there’s no fear in me
not anymore, there can’t be

I’ve been called to heal
to rest, relax and meditate
Even amidst all of this
to fully surrender to Divinity

It’s not rational or realistic
to not give up hope –
but not try to fix it –
to simply return to existence

Believing beyond conditions
that I don’t have to make it
My life never independent 
from all sustaining graces

Could I have this peace
if I still had my sense?
Perhaps I had to go crazy
to survive this insanity

I have no tears falling
yet I feel my spirit sob
suddenly my heart’s beats
revealing their ignition

I’ve found myself eternal 
within the space of rhythm
Melting inbetween limits
saturating expansiveness 

Here with Pachamama 
as she kisses the Sun
I am caught up in rapture
the cosmic dance of love

This poem was only written a few months ago but, I didn’t have the strength to post it then.

My daddy’d be ashamed
tried his best to groom me
teach me how to handle well

Kept my friends away, fearing
the rebellion I had inside –
his ego had to blame them

My daddy’d wish my body away
my dirty, sexy, filthy, desired body
Shame clinging to modest pride

Kept me away the best he could
sheltered and controlled by him
His demons consumed my young life 

My daddy’d tell me I’ll burn in hell
meaning it deep where his soul fumes 
but I’ll laugh for having been there

Kept chained by the lies of his mind
tortured as long as I let his fear in mine –
I escaped once, I’ll never have to again