I’m not your typical “girly girl.” I don’t like romcoms and Valentine’s Day has always come and gone without much care from me either way. I’ve never been seeking the “one” and don’t believe in marriage… So, what the heck am I doing talking about romance?!
My boyfriend and I just celebrated a year together this month. Neither of us could figure out the exact day we started dating but figured “~ late January” was a safe time to celebrate regardless (yes, even together we’re still that couple).
We went to The Springs Resort in Pagosa Springs, CO and enjoyed a couple of nights right by some of my favorite Hot Springs.
I had fond memories of visiting this hot springs growing up, and even though it’s a bit far away (4+ hours drive) I thought it would be a fun little trip for us. After visiting some of the places Harry enjoyed as a kid this past fall in Wisconsin, it seemed suited that I share a bit of fun from my childhood with him too.
They have indeed changed quite a but since I had been there as a kid, adding a VIP section, the resort accommodations and the spa, but my favorite elements were all still there. A coy pond with a bridge you can walk across, the natural rock pools painted with the various minerals bubbling up through the springs, and the river pools – all still intact and as lovely as I remembered…
Truly, what made the biggest difference was the company though. It was such a lovely experience to be there as an adult with my lover… As much as this experience stuck with me as a kid, I am sure it will be all the more special for me now.
Harry is thoughtful, attentive and sweet. We’re not a perfect couple, but we’re learning each other’s quirks, confronting and adjusting bit by bit… and the man spoils me, which certainly doesn’t hurt my affections for him either.
It was romantic. Despite our quirks and oddities, and as unconventional as we may seek to be, it was all the more romantic for its authenticity…
I got to be me, unapologetically. Even a bit whiny about the cold… even a bit picky about food… even a bit slower than Harry getting ready…
Sure, we’re not the same person and sometimes that makes things difficult or we feel misunderstood – but we are learning… and that I think is the most truly romantic thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
“Put some water on it so it doesn’t hurt their teeth…” My grandma likes to remind me how to feed her dogs each time I’m fixing them a meal. I purposefully ignore her though.
About a year and a half ago both of the dogs had to have multiple teeth removed due to decay caused by tartar buildup. We were told to feed them dry food at least once a day because the texture helps to clean their teeth… I have told my grandma this many times yet, she still fixes them their wet food with green beans and reminds me to soften the dry food I give them, every single time I feed them.
What’s going on here? It’s completely obvious to me that my grandma LOVES her dogs. They are so spoiled and cared for… Yet, some of her well-intentioned habits have actually harmed them. Not only that, but even upon learning this, she is still resistant to changing her perspective…
Recognizing Confirmation Bias
We’re all guilty of being blind to things. We each see life through the filters of our own experience… and my grandmother is no exception.
The dogs may have gotten dental issues due to their eating habits, but eventually their dental problems reinforced my grandma’s feeding them only soft food. Their teeth did hurt, she was right – but now that the bad teeth are out, we have to change things or we’ll end up in the cycle of doggy dental decay all over again.
That’s why I don’t listen to my grandmother. That’s why I’m sure to feed the dogs myself at least once a day… Not because I don’t understand where my grandma is coming from, and not because the dogs prefer dry food (not even a bit), but because change is what needs to happen and right now I am able to be its agent.
Releasing Judgment and Control
This isn’t exactly ideal. I hate having to ignore my grandma, but what’s the alternative? I have tried to educate her but she’s 85 and in many ways decidedly that “old dog” who doesn’t want to learn new tricks.
It certainly doesn’t make sense for me to force my grandma to change her ways, instructing her with the truth until I’m blue in the face. It also doesn’t make sense to just let her go on feeding the dogs incorrectly either though. So here I am, in the less-than-ideal reality.
All is well. I don’t need things to be ideal, I don’t need my grandma to understand and I don’t even need the dogs to like their dry food. Just as everything is, in all it’s imperfect realness, all is well.
I can do my part, I can be the agent of change, I can take action and simply release control. No, I won’t be here forever, but while I am I can do these special things that I am aware of and therefore responsible for. When I do leave, I will pass on the knowledge and be okay with that.
I won’t ever be able to ensure the dogs are getting fed in a way that helps keep their teeth clean while I’m not around, but that’s a part of it too. Accepting responsibility for co-creatinga better world doesn’t mean your responsible for everything, all the time – it means you do what you can while you can.
Enjoying Life’s Little Imperfections
For now, even with the dogs scowling and grandma chiming in, I feel blessed to have opportunities to provide these little canines with thoughtful nourishment. I also feel blessed to be able to recognize and see what’s going on without judgement.
I am grateful for the opportunities even this little situation gives me to reflect and learn about how humans operate. It certainly helps me to look out for my own biases and ignorance too – or at least remain more open to entertaining cognitive dissonance.
Life will never be perfect. We will never be able to control situations entirely, even if we are “right” and have truth on our side – and that’s okay. This journey isn’t ours alone and we are all learning, but by releasing control we can simultaneously step into our power and subjective truth whilst also allowing for others to experience theirs.
“27!” I exclaim in my own mind. I have a funny smile on my face, holding a penny in my right hand while reaching into my left pocket with my other, feeling for the penny and quarter I picked up just minutes ago. “They’re both still there,” I consider briefly, “the penny didn’t just fall out – this is a NEW ONE!”
Why am I so excited over just one more cent? Well, it would seem I’ve been playing a little game lately, with the Divine…
At first, it was 12 cents. Two pennies and a dime that were found in the couch and left to sit on the side table. No one seemed to care about them, as they lay there with a few odd peices of trash.
I cleaned up the small pile of refuse, carefully removing the 3 coins and placing them in my pocket. Just hours later, a meme appeared on my screen, catching my eye. I don’t recall exactly what it said, but it was remarking on how a truly rich person sees the value in every penny.
It felt like an invitation, so I accepted. I am now officially a value scout, looking for each and every cent that may be left to the wayside as the bills and cards do the grunt work…
Making Metaphysical Investments
No, I don’t believe I will somehow amass a fortune one penny at a time. I do however believe that our actions create reactions, and that some of the most powerful reverberating effects happen as a result of some of the smallest, but also most intentional acts.
That’s why I’m picking up pennies like I just won the lottery. I am creating the frequency of gratitude and appreciation in my life, for every blessing, not just the BIG ones. I believe this small effort will be powerfully metaphysically transformative…
For example, let’s say you have a friend who you’ve tried to give little, “silly” gifts to from time to time. Little notes, funny shaped rocks, fresh plucked flowers – nothing expensive, but all heart felt. How would you feel about this person if they never seemed to care?
If every time your little gestures of love went ignored or even snubbed, would you keep trying to bless them? Maybe for a while, but eventually you’re going to learn to shower your affections elsewhere – and who would blame you??
Well, I’m seeing these pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters clearly for the first time: these little, inconsequential blessings are my opportunity to practice recieving. The Divine desires to shower me with all the abundance of its love and, in these small ways, is testing to see if I am willing and able to be blessed.
Not the Only Example of My Recent Internal Paradigm Shifts
In addition to the change in how I’m viewing change, I’m coming into a ever expanding awareness of my wealth as well. And I don’t mean financial…
I am fast becoming unable to ignore the blessings of my high caliber global network and the endless opportunities it creates for meaningful, creative work. I cannot deny my dozens of loving brothers and sisters around the world who actively invest in my growth, development and journey…. Or the amazing group of yogis I am blessed to be a part of, grow with and learn from locally.
The real kicker though?! I am profoundly coming into the awareness of my own value, capabilities and growth.
All that bullshit I’ve waded through to get here? Yep, it’s all gold now! The traumas, trials and tribulations of my past have been alchemized and transmuted by my commitment, love and devotion. I now have an endless amount of inspiration, experience and stories to offer the world… and it’s all EXTREMELY VALUABLE!
Redesigning My Future with Clarity
Overcoming depression, anxiety and C-PTSD without costly pharmaceuticals or therapy? Yep, did that. I can teach it. I can help people… Will it be easy for them? Hell no – they will have to fight through their karmic densities, confront their demons and grooming, killing their ego again and again – but for a serious soul that is seeking true liberation, it’s the only way and I’m honored to have the opportunity to share it…
Rediscovering magick, reenchanting life and creating an intentional future? Yep, I got you. I can guide and encourage souls on their own Shamanic journey to the underworld and back. Again, not an easy option or something you’ll find on an infomercial that swears it’s all you’ve ever needed, but it’s REAL and it works so I’m genuinely proud to have that experience available to offer others who are on the path.
Utilizing the breath, movement and sound as biological technologies in order to amplify the highest qualities of one’s being whilst also clearing and purifying global karma? Yep, I’m learning that too and it’s changing my life every day. It’s certainly an education that I feel honored and privileged to recieve and I cannot wait to help others help themselves with it too.
Tapping into Divine source for messages of guidance, healing love energy or the ability to teach without ego? Yep, I call it “getting out of the way” and it’s truly all I’m really good at. I am inspired to share my channeling abilities with others and bless them myself, but even more excited about encouraging and helping others to find their own channels and reconnect directly with the Divine themselves in these ways… And there could never be anything more valuable than that.
Writing clearly about subversive and unpopular topics that have the potential to change the course of human history? Oh hey! I can even do that!
I could keep going, but I think my point has been made. I AM VALUABLE. Incredibly valuable… and it’s time I start acting like it and treating myself with the respect I would give any person that I consider successful, wealthy and accomplished.
These pennies are small reminders right now of just how powerful I can be – but I’m set on learning and it won’t be long before the Divine has rightly built confidence in my appreciation… I expect the little gifts to grow in proportion to my faith, but I am also committed to celebrating every single cent along the way too.
Blessed be my beloveds! I hope each of you find a penny for yourselves today too…
I have been more reserved on here lately. Alas, all is well, I am simply trying to rest and relax more. Also, “unplanning” is something I’m learning, which is quite fun…
I had another great weekend at Kundalini YTT. I’m feeling very honored to be learning such powerful human technologies.
I’ve been experiencing a lot of gratitude in the days since training. Things flowing, effortlessly… Suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised given I’m slowing down, doing less and not planning at all… but it’s still all novel to me, and I’m enjoying the process of learning how to be more at peace and contented.
I have been noticing and appreciating my global tribe more and more… Which to be honest, I didn’t think was possible because I have held them all in highest esteem already. Yet, my limitations of joy are still being challenged and stretched in each moment.
I have so many opportunities within my network… My understanding of wealth has been completely transformed and I honestly feel like one of the richest people in the world because of the caliber of my chosen family, peers and mentors.
I have been wondering less and less “what will I do,” whilst saying “what won’t I do” more and more… and I am truly curious. It feels as though the Divine is excited to show me all it can do through my faith…
I’m sure there will be many more stories to come, of all the enchantments and wonders that have me talking this way….. but for now, I’m still savoring them for myself.