I think I may officially be too old for traditional camping… Well, at least festival camping, with it’s late nights and early mornings… I am still recuperating from my adventure last week, and on top of being sore and fatigued, I’m also trying to catch up on the things I wasn’t home to do.

The ever-extended task list

I’ve discovered that Sammi has a little infection and that’s why he’s been a recluse, so I’m nursing the poor baby back to health as well as trying to regain my usual momentum around the house. My friend is on me about footage I collected from our performance, meanwhile I haven’t even had time to unpack, let alone think about the footage yet. HW wants to spend time together, as do I. Friends want to hang out. Articles need to be written, web pages need to be updated, collaborators need to be contacted… The list is never ending, but none of that comes before my top priorities are done, all of which (at this time in my life) center around maintaining my grandmother’s home and the office for the family busnesses.

Life keeps going, stuff comes up, plans get changed and added – the reality of being an adult right?! I suppose I know this, I’m not even sure I mind it… But I hate being treated like I am not doing anything whilst simultaneously feeling like I’m drowning beneath my obligations.

The invisible weight of traditional expectations

This is the plight of the householder. This is why women divorce their husbands after all their “nagging” never serves to get them any help with the cooking and cleaning. This is why stay at home moms work the equivalent of 2.5 full time jobsMost of what goes on in the home to keep it comfortable, clean and functional simply goes unnoticed and under appreciated.

It’s not as simple as making a healthy dinner every night, though with dishes and prep that task alone easily takes 2 hours – there’s also the meal planning, grocery shopping and unloading, pantry stocking/food inventory maintenance, kitchen management and cleaning. It’s not as simple as keeping things clean; it’s having a flexible chore schedule, weekly/monthly task lists, and routines to ensure you don’t undo the efforts of one task by completing another out of the preferential order; it’s tidying – all day every day – to maintain the inviting comfort of the home; it’s organizing and reorganizing cabinets, closets and storage; it’s planting and it’s landscaping; it’s laundry and errands; as well as being prepared to stop or pause any of that to be available to others when they stop by for a visit, call to chat or otherwise interrupt your day because “your always home.”

Alienated from comfort and relaxation

Sometimes, as unfortunate as it is, I want to be anywhere but home. Work and home are synonymous for me; if I’m exhausted from a long day, it’s not as simple as leaving the office and kicking my shoes off to relax on the couch. My work, any unfinished chores that were postponed because of someone’s even well-meaning distraction or disruption, and any unchecked task for the day remain front and center in my attention no matter where in the house I try to retreat to for some semblance of peace and tranquility.

There’s a reason they say “a woman’s work is never done:” it’s the truth (of course, this applies to male/nonbinary householders as well). We don’t get to just clock out and check out, we’re always “on.”

Someone’s hungry? Ask the householder what there is to eat and/or to make you something. Someone can’t find something? Ask the householder where in the home to look and/or to get it for you. There’s a mess? Tell the householder and/or leave it for them to deal with at some point. They’ve got nothing better to do than meet all needs of everyone who ever steps foot in the home, right?!

Wrong. We’ve got a lot more going on than just making sure everyone else is comfortable, that everyone else’s needs are met and that the home runs like a “well oiled machine” despite often being the only one bothering to “oil” it or even monitor the “oil” level.

Desperate for recognition

We don’t need people to feel sorry for us. We don’t even need less to do or help doing these things (though that would be amazing). What we do need is appreciation, understanding and consideration. If you’re not helping our efforts, at least be decent enough to not hinder them.

Don’t track mud all over just cleaned floors. Don’t leave dishes strewn about. Don’t just drop your towel, your clothes or your shoes. Stop. Notice. Be grateful.

Go the extra distince and see your householder as more than just your maid/cook. We are people with dreams, hobbies and side hustles. The truth is, we have better things to do than just “take care of everything” so that you “don’t have to worry about anything.” Recognize that. Savor it. Engrain it into your consciousness.

Don’t simply ask us, “what are you going to do today?” Because that’s basically just admitting that you don’t take notice of the millions of tiny, under appreciated yet absolutely essential things we do every day.

Creating the sacred amidst the chaos

I wake up 2-4 hours before my day as a householder starts so that I can take care of me. Working out, doing my Sadhana and hopefully getting in some study or writing in all before my grandma even wakes up. After the day is done and I’ve put away leftovers and cleaned the kitchen for the 3rd or 4th time of the day, I sometimes get a bit more time to work online, read and sometimes even socialize.

These times are carved out purposefully so that I don’t go completely insane, but it’s not a fool proof method. I often feel bad turning down invitations to go out, but I simply have to prioritize my personal projects over entertainment sometimes – especially if my passions have been continually neglected for a while. Other times, I’m just exhausted.

If your householder is acting standoffish, chances are it’s not how they wish things were either. Give them the benefit of the doubt, or better yet, give them a break completely. Dishes aren’t done yet? Do them. Have dirty laundry? Do it yourself. Something needs cleaning? You got it – clean the mess!

Take this as an invitation to appreciate the grace your householder provides you, and to return that grace to them as well. Be patient. Be kind – and for goodness sake, take notice of all they do for you instead of asking “what did you do today?”

I’ve been a bit discombobulated recently. Still not stressing, but life hasn’t slowed down. Last week was an extra busy with business and property taxes – next thing I know the weekend’s over, so are Monday and Tuesday, and I’m now 31!

Yay life lol!

Image: Internet

The happenings

Things are coming up fast. I got invited to read poetry at a festival next weekend and I’m now just 40 days out from the Apotheosis 4.0 retreat… Trying to plan details and rehearse for the festival, as well as beginning a Sadhana and corresponding dieta in preparation for the retreat.

No coffee/caffeine. No weed or alcohol. No sex. No processed/sugared foods and no animal products… Basically, for the next 40 days, I’m a celibate and straight-edge vegan who starts her days with yoga and meditation.

Sunset for my Birthday, Mt. Bailey

Possible challenges and distractions

Not sure how all that will work at the festival next week… But I’m up for the challenge and it’s only a few days of pack-it-in/out camping in the desert lol – if all else fails I’ll be soberly crunching carrot sticks while others imbibe inebriates, and I’m okay with that.

H.W. is none-too-pleased with the no weed/no sex/no sugar though – we like to enjoy all those things together… And he’s already formally threatened to try and sabatoge one of my commitments specifically lol – but I like being teased and I’ve been celibate for over a year at a time before so I think he’s in for some dissapointment if/when he tries to distract me from that commitment.

Image: Internet

Why I’m committed anyway

Following the dieta for the retreat is so important for preparation – both the other 2 reatreats I attended I followed the dieta, but a bit more loosely and and not for as long… And I’ve learned better. The dieta is more than just strict abstaining, it’s soul work: cleaning out the body/mind/heart of all stimulants and distractions, to ready the “temple” for some serious ceremony and worship. It’s the beginning of the transformational process provided by these retreats; a kind of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical investment into the process of the self-actualization and healing we hope to glean from our upcoming time in the jungle.

All of those reasons are why I am also including a Sadhana commitment with my dieta. Sadhana is the daily commitment to show up for your highest self; a consistant spiritual practice to align with truth and love. By combining my dieta and my Sadhana, I hope to make the entire experience more sacred and special for myself.

Spring melt ’19, Guanella Pass

And so-very grateful

The facts are, I am IMMENSELY blessed to have this opportunity. Not only to go to the retreat, but even to have the chance to give up all of these things. You can’t let something if you don’t have it to begin with.

This process will provide me with invaluable perspectives on just how prosperous and abundant my life is. Instead of feeling sad that I can’t have coffee this morning, I am grateful that I have access to hot water at all… Instead of feeling frustrated that I can’t have sex, I am grateful to have a sexxxy man in my life who desires to please me… Instead of feinding for weed, I am grateful that I live in a state where this medicine is not illegal and that I have access to it at all…

Perspective – so very valuable as a tool for reconstructing thoughts and feelings!

Image: Internet

And with that…

I’m off! Will it be easy? Not at all. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be excited about it anyway! Here’s a glimpse of my Sadhana Mantra Meditation this morning – Adi Shakti, one of my favorites: