Tag: conceptualizing

Passioned

Wish there was another label
beside I and me and myself
Something to call this thisness
like void or empty or anything
So terribly open, gaping wide
and still pulling at it ever more
Hiding and pacing and waiting
this all feels too fucking familiar
All and every abomination mine
each morsel of filth my litter
Collapsing in and condensing
suffocating, ever building pressure
Buried indeed, here with sins
conception boldly daring to defy
Yet a still, small hope glimmers
even deeper and further inside
Light of hope’s bright tremors
a quaking from within the All
Releasing once again with life
from possibilities of nothings
Death and decay not hindering
the propelling new growth’s glory
Out of the muddy wretchedness
springs forth virgin pure and holy
How could we not mourn our loss
without also celebrating our gains
For with each spiral going higher
we also must root down deeper in
So yes, if “I” must, I cry for this
for the million creatures dying
I mourn those of violent death
that love was ever made a crime
I rage against the senseless pain
I wail for lack of self-compassion
For though you may be calling “me”
it is We with whom I am passioned

Filling in the Blanks

Ah, life…

I wanted to start this post with another “it’s been a crazy week,” or “sorry I haven’t had time to write something current lately,” but then I realized – I don’t feel that way. So I’m not going to say it.

The weekend was great. I’m sick and have largely been scraping by the last 3 days, barely cognizant sometimes, but I also still managed to spend mother’s day with my momma bear and that is so special to me.

I’m laying here, with beads of sweat on my forehead, feeling gross and icky, but I’m also feeling proud of the fact that I still woke up at 6am today to workout with my friend before I did my Sadhana (it wasn’t much of a workout but the commitment is what’s been making the real difference anyway). I’m feeling blessed, accomplished and grateful. I’m also wondering when this stupid head cold will finally pass…

And that’s just it…

That’s life. THIS is life! It’s never all good or all bad, there are always ups and downs, things don’t ever remain nice and categorical and reality’s “peaks” and “valleys” often coincide. There’s no destination that escapes the densly diverse experiences of existence.

That’s why perspective, intention and focus matter so much. We all make our own meaning.

I could focus on how “crazy” things feel when I am not accomplishing everything I want to accomplish, but then I’m probably only going to foster more manic energy for myself. I can fixate on all the ways I’ve not been “keeping up” with the make believe standards I’ve set in place for myself, but then I’m really only harvesting dissapointment and discontent.

The truth is, I get to choose

No one’s life is perfect, but I can certainly enjoy mine should I decide to. Sure, being sick isn’t easy to enjoy necessarily, but I can still be grateful that I’m alive and take the extra pause to appreciate my blessings. Instead of worrying about all the things I haven’t gotten to yet, I can be thankful I have so many opportunities, trust and responsibility.

So, this is me basking… I’m drinking it all in and savoring every drop. I love you life! I’m so blessed by the good, the bad and everything in between…

Image: Internet