Nihilistic Paradox

Rhythm falls clumsily
in tandem with beating
Like a staggering drunk
or thought lost to dementia
It’s going somewhere
but doesn’t remember why
Everyone staring isn’t helping
especially their pity
All fools, they wouldn’t be sorry
if they new the truth
That’s why lies come easy
they’re reasons not shows
We’ve all fooled ourselves
it’s all about appearances now
And this doesn’t look nice
caught with my panties down
Scuffed up knees, messy hair
of course I’m dressed a whore
A bit of corporate cum drips
before I can lick it off my lips
Don’t know why I want more
addicted to the convenient shame
Calling everyone a prostitute
while I mark my next John
Picking out the lace trappings
for my dungeon torture room
Whipping my own back bloody
’cause no one can do it like I do
None of us ever quite punished
before we’re poisoned with apathy
Why should we care if we’re doomed
if there’s nothing beyond this consuming
Yet beyond beyond, and beyond that still
there is, if we let be, meaning
What we make of anything can only be
what we are willing to make of ourselves


Purpose -ing

It’s 10 minutes shy of 5am on a random Thursday morning. I’ve been awake for a while now, at least a couple hours – I recall seeing the clock turn 3.

This happens sometimes, well, lately at least. I’ve had various seeping troubles my whole life, but the random early mornings is relatively new.

I’m watching Joseph Campbell’s Power of Myth on Netflix. I like it.

I haven’t been so creative lately. After being sick last week I’ve been on a cleaning terror. I’ve almost entirely rearranged my appartment, broke out the carpet cleaner and have been deep cleaning some random annexes of grandma’s house. It’s felt good, but hasn’t left much energy for creativity.

This program has me thinking all sorts of creative thoughts though. I’m reminded of projects and inspiration still waiting for their time to emerge…

It’s such a strange feeling. To feel compelled to purge thoughts artfully in expressive and impactful ways… or something…

S’pose that’s a part of my own hero’s adventure though, my own personal myth… Not only being a creative, but learning what that means through each step along the way – even the not-so-creative steps.

Like how 1000% of my environmental reset has been focused on increasing my creativity/production opportunities within my space. You just can’t escape your fate I suppose… So I gracefully accept, as though it’s a purposeless early morning, and find a way to add value and perspective anyway.