For those of you that didn’t know, I was married once. He was someone I tried to save from himself, and I lost myself in the process. Still, it’s all been for the best, making me the woman I am.

So, here’s an old poem – from a past I barely recognize:

I fell in love with a con man

He was lying the very day we met

Told me twists and turns of detailed stories, only partial truths or complete bullshit

He’d learned the hard way, of that much there was proof, and so I went along hoping every last word was truth

From behind big blue eyes, he swept me away – what can I say, that con man’s words made me want to play his game

The way he loved me was incredible, made me feel like when he held me he was coming home –

Ecstasy soon turning into a bad trip, a deadly rollar coaster, but I still rode with him –

I fell in love with a criminal, a man who’d done what he thought he had to do, and he’d done it far too many times to realize he could choose –

The lies started to bleed and I began to feed on delirium, insecurity overcoming me making me come unhinged

Something about the way he laughed when he was truly happy, the way his eyes devoured my body and the touch of his hands!

I fell in love with a blue eyed devil, a class act playgirl fantasy

I let him lead me astray, keeping his secrets to this very day, despite his most brazen offenses against me –

I fell in love with a con man, how could I have expected any different?

I couldn’t blame him for his sorted past

Or the hurt little boy who was always staring back

I felt his pain, or at least the parts he wanted me to

I fell in love with a con man, and I always knew –

Yea, somehow I always knew, and I still laid myself bare, daring him to make his move and finally prove that the love he said he for me was as true…

Still, I knew… Still it burned, as his fiery heart consumed – all I had…

Ooh, I was conned by the man I loved – I listened and then got learned…

I thought I knew, thought if I could be bad too he couldn’t hurt me the way that he did…

I gave my innocence to a grand larcenist, ooh I watched as he drank me in and what came back out was stronger, but more putrid too…

Ooh that criminal, I’m that Casanova’s fool –

I learned to love from a con man – he taught me to trust and then how to break it bad…

Don’t you dare

Don’t you entertain –

‘Cause even though I may seem sweet and lovely – I can guarantee that you don’t want to play this game –

I’ve been tainted and mamed 

Ooh oh oh oh – run away

Walking an unpopular path
People will tell you you’re lost
They caution you against their fears
They tell you what cannot be done

Walking the path of your soul
Deep into dark corners and cold
Sometimes the way feels awful lonely
Othertimes the shadows prove friendly

Walking one step before next
Taking your precious time back
Facing the monsters that live in inside
Embracing all your brokenheartedness

Walking on, you don’t turn away
Except to laugh into the twirling abyss
Surprises lay ahead, blessings to be had
Gifts sprinkled throughout for your bliss

Walking an unpopular path
Walking the path of your soul
It my not be crowded and it may not be lit –
but walk on Truth warriors of ancient and old

Little cottage at the fork (Bristol, UK, October 2018)

Written one year ago after visiting the Blarney Castle in Ireland on an absolutely enchanted and “impossible” European trip

Here is the first of five poetic videos for mayryanna’s upcoming performance art set, Wanderlust. This is called Silent Movie Number One:

Stay tuned to Optimal Mastery and mayryanna’s social media for the release of Silent Movie Number Two, next Tuesday, October 8th.

Get your tickets to come watch the conclusion to Wanderlust at the RAW Natural Born Artists showcase, STELLAR, here in Denver at the Church Nightclub, October 24th from 7-11pm!


I was taught to fear
the other

never knowing
it was always myself

I hated “them” for things
I remembered

about myself
things only “I” was guilty of

Yet, it was through others’
forgiving embrace

I discovered
how forgiveness heals

Turning their love inward
accepting myself

breaking free
releasing self-judgements

In these ways, I am saved
by others

once judged
by my own denied insecurities

So yes, I am healing me
not selfishly

but selflessly
knowing I must to love All

Suddenly, I find myself standing upon a mountain top, wearing chainmeal and scaled leather armor, the wind blowing snow all around me. Squinting across the harsh white landscape, checkered only with rich brown-red stone, I can make out an enormous yet solemn figure 100 feet in front of me.

I can make out an enormous yet solemn figure 100 feet in front of me.

The large white beast shutters with every breath, its pain and exhaustion apparent – it doesn’t stir at all from its slumped position as I move straight towards its large horned head, pulling my sword from my side as I walk.

I do not hesitate, plunging the blade straight through the skull of this majestic dragon. Its pain and torment finally subside with its last labored exhalation. Retrieving my sword, I immediately walk the long length of its neck, the shimmering splendour of its scales dimming with every step, until I plunge my sword yet again through its chest – this time keeping the entry shallow and slicing all the way down its powerful breast.

Reaching through the bones, I find the dragon’s heart, still hot with life and magick. I pull the massive organ from the carcass and watch as the other remains dissipate into a cloud of sparkling dust, swirling around with the snow in the wickedly bitter wind. I take the heart into both hands and make my promises before smearing it over every part of myself, covering my head, face and body in its powerful blood.

My journey back down the mountain is completed quickly, as if I am being carried by a force greater than any strength I possess. I arrive at the edge of a village, full of intuitive knowing. Those who poisoned and tortured the creature live here.

Still holding the massive heart, I stand at the edge of the community, opening my mouth to allow all righteous power to flow freely through me. Not a sound. Not a tremor. Yet not a guilty soul was spared as the frequency of justice poured forth in countless waves of intensity and saturation.

Dozens fell dead right where they stood, sat or laid in comfortable ignorance.

Dozens fell dead right where they stood, sat or laid in comfortable ignorance.
Children come forth from their homes, innocence seemingly entranced by the same glory that killed all those with evil in their hearts. I begin to walk again, right through the center of the newly purified town. More and more souls come out into the unforgiving cold to watch me blaze my trial. They say nothing but begin to follow in my footsteps.

At the far edge of the settlement I find a young black dragon, chained out in the elements. Metallic purple and green swirling about in its soft tender scales with the same intensity of the blowing snow that surrounds us. I offer the juvenile beast the heart of its mother, which it consumes in one swallow without a single bite or any chewing. In less than a moment it grows to twice the size of its ancestors, its scales hardening – the chains that once held it shattering instantaneously as it transforms.

It bows its head low and for a brief time I rest my forehead against its gargantuan brow. We speak in silence and share our grief with one another completely. Once the time for sadness has passed, I climb upon its broad shoulders to gaze out across the desolate landscape once more. Looking for the first time into the desperate faces of the remaining villagers.

With full understanding, the great black dragon rears up beneath me, letting out its own powerful call high into the frozen air.

With full understanding, the great black dragon rears up beneath me, letting out its own powerful call high into the frozen air. The magick of its roar infects the land with a healing warmth and thawing begins, soon followed by growing as an abundance of lush vegetation overtakes everything, affecting even father beyond our abilities of sight.

Once assured of its blessing, this most mystical of beings takes to the sky. We fly back to the mountain top, now covered in a dense jungle, to rest upon the place of mother dragon’s sacrifice. The new righteous rulers of a new blessed land, I recline upon the beast – it is my throne and I am its crown. Together we reign with the promises of unlimited prosperity, unending love and eternal peace.