nature, pagan, Poetry, spiritual

bit by bit

I pulled the card

not knowing

just desperate

seeking the answers to unasked questions

Lotus guru

Blooming

like dance

Smiling as she colorfully unfurls

I didn’t feel it then

the weight

of petals

pulling themselves delicately apart

It’s hard work

being gentle

letting go

unraveling to reveal hidden glories

Happening silently

frustratingly

bit by bit

until nothing is left but undoing

Thrusting vulnerability

exposing

inviting

giving all to possibilities

Spreading wide open

expanding

exploding

willing to fall completely apart

And watching myself fall

bit by bit

beautiful peices

collapsing back into myself

An act of violence

this blooming

this undoing

itself cannot be undone

Yet these dead petals

decaying

become more

feeding the blooms of tomorrows

Poetry

Solving Problems

I’m sitting, alone, again.

Late at night, mind racing.

Maybe it’s the cold medicine.
Or the ibuprofen.
Or the weed.
Or any of those other things I took to try and stop the pain.

Just the left side.
Is that not significant?

If life’s taught me anything, it’s that we make significance.
That it exists because we decide it does.
I’m deciding.

Hello pain, I’m not afraid of you – though, you are rather uncomfortable.
Please pardon all the ways I’ve attempted to ignore you before.
It’s just that – I’m enraptured by the lie – that things have to be perfect to be beautiful.

Truer than true, I am still drawn back and away

Existence is rapture –
The less you attempt to understand, the more you enjoy – the further you allow organically curious growth.

As a society we’ve stunted our growth – we fear our very own desires.
They are our masters and we their slaves – we bend our necks, faces to the ground, all worshiping invisible gods. Bump, “Oops, ‘xcuse meh…”

Well, I’m not going to be afraid of my desires anymore either.
Hello desire, I’m curious about you.
Oh and hey there rambunctious Mayry! How are you doing?! Haven’t seen you out in a while!

Why was I taught to feel guilty? I’m not afraid of guilt anymore.
I’m not afraid of others who want me only for my body, or any part, facet or whatnot of that sort. Bring it, doesn’t mean they’ll “get” me.

I’m not afraid of making mistakes
I’m not afraid of knowing my worth and living my truth.
I’m not afraid of wearing to little or looking like a boy.
I’m not afraid.

I know I am loved because I love.
because I see the computer screen and smell the stale air – I’m still breathing somehow –

I.