Tag: friends

Just, now…

It’s twelve to 10pm and the house is quiet. The light rustling of grandma and her two little dogs settling for the night upstairs has stopped and other than the faint hum of electronics, only my cat’s gentle purrs can be heard.

My cold has made it hard to sleep the past several nights and I’ve been groggy all day, though admittantly, I’m not sure if the medicine I’m taking is playing a role in making me feel so weird too…

My friend and I are upping our workouts from 3 times a week to 5, so I need to be up before 6am again tomorrow… I want to wind down with some more of my audio book, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to track the information effectively. I tried the other night and caught myself drifting to sleep instead of paying attention.

Perhaps I should just go to bed – but I’m still on the couch, writing this so I can get something posted…

I’m wondering what to take a picture of for this post…

I’m wondering how long this cold will last…

I’m wondering why my grandma’s old poodle has decided to suddenly start barking incessantly…

I’m wondering how my life will change once again in 2 weeks at the Apotheosis 4.0 retreat…

I’m wondering…

I went to see a close friend of mine this evening and we talked a lot. We’ve been missing one another for the past few weeks, evwn though she’s just down the street from me….

She’s a momma of two young children and rightfully busy, but we share a sacred and special bond that despite all our many differences keeps us closer than close on the soul level… I’m so grateful for her. We can talk about anything, and we talk about everything.

I’m so grateful….

I am so, so damn grateful.

My life isn’t perfect and I’ve got a lot of work to do, but wow – WAHE GURU!

I am blessed.

a view from my couch…

I’m thankful for this house, for my grandma and her dogs. I’m thankful for my cats and my bed. I’m thankful for my friends, the wide variety they come in and all the different ways they inspire me…

I’m grateful that sickness is something I experience rarely, and for my strong, healthy body and all the ways it fights for and supports me…

I’m grateful for my curious mind, my compassionate heart and my adventurous spirit…

I’m am grateful for now. Just, now… In all its brilliant, imperfect life-ness…

I’m thankful to be me. Bless my dear soul! Yes, blessed be… Blessed be –

Everything comes screeching to a halt

My cute lil’ bebeh kitteh Sammi dissapeared! I came home very late from the festival last night to find him nowhere – being that he’s my youngest and always the first to great me with a miriad of meows and purrs I was immeasurably worried by his absence, even right away… My panick only grew as the hours ticked on and all my serching turned up no signs of him.

“Maybe he got out?” I frantically texted my mom and a friend who had been by when I was out of town, glancing at the time, “Almost 4am already… Won’t even be light out for a few more hours…” I debated briefly whether to call my mom and wake her up but decided against it since there wasn’t much more to do to try and find him until morning, and I laid down, sobbing myself to sleep with worry.

My mom woke me in the morning, equally concerned, she hadn’t seen him herself since Friday night but thought he must just be hiding. She had her big pit bull with her and had been letting him inand out of the backyard while here but didn’t recall Sammi sneaking out or even trying. “I can’t imagine why he’d try to sneak past Max either but I can’t find him anywhere, he’s not even meowing when I call him, I don’t know what else could have happened,” I explained and we set off to comb to mountain.

I yelled and called and hiked for hours. Still nothing. My aunt came by and mentioned she thought he was probably still on the house, but that only made me worry more… Sammi had a younger brother once, I rescued them together and they had signs of animal testing or perhaps even some sort of torture as kittens (big scars on the backs of his legs and fishing wire running through the flesh of Salvatore’s tail, Sammi growing disproportionately and often unable to eat without getting sick), and one day when they were young, I came home to find Salvatore had died suddenly. I was horrified to think maybe Sammi had died too and that’s why he wasn’t meowing when I called to him…

I kept looking, I posted in online communities, I started making flyers, I cried some more… I didn’t even think about doing my Sadhana, and I completely ditched my dieta in moments of extreme stress, taking puffs from my mom’s cigarettes and HW’s weed pipe – trying to calm myself down so I could think I guess… Everyone tried to comfort and help me as best they new how and eventually my appreciation and gratitude helped me to relax a little.

As the sun started to set, I sat with HW on the couch, still talking about Sammi but trying to distract myself a bit as well… Suddenly HW smiled at me and said, “look down,” and there was Sammi – cool as a cucumber – right by my legs. I let out a little scream and immediately scooped him up, laughing and crying, so relieved that he was ok! He squirmed out of my grasp and ran back towards my bedroom – back to his hiding place. Both HW tried to find him again too no avail, but I didn’t care! He’s home! He’s safe!

I lamented that he had let me cry myself to sleep and HW said he must be mad about my being gone. I joked and smiled about him being “such a jerk to his momma,” but didn’t really care. He can punish me all he wants, that fluffy lil devil, as long as he’s safe I’m happy!

So, that was today… An abrubt halt to everything I’ve been working on, but ultimately it’s okay. I practiced gratitude today, and oh am I ever thankful! Tomorrow, I will start again, but not without ever more appreciation for my life and the blessings contained with in it – like amazing people who care so much for me they drop everything to help me out, and even feisty lil kitteh bebehs that sometimes punish me for leaving them โค I am so very blessed ๐Ÿ™