A message from Kuan Yin this blessed Full Moon night:
Trust your truth and stand tall my child, the time for submission is through. Let your light shine, sing your song – show this world what you came here for! Unleash your magick and behold the enchantments you alone can gift to existence.
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Today I woke up surprised to feel refreshed. I’ve been fighting a yeast bloom in my body, including inescapable inflammation, grogginess and fatigue. I have found myself frustrated time and time again by my own lack of energy, focus and desire these past few weeks.
Going straight from my dieta-clean-lifestyle in May and the first half of June while on retreat, to coming home and experiencing extreme stress, eating poorly at the hospital or restaurants, combined with losing track of yoga and meditation, made my blood toxic within a matter of weeks. Since grandma has been recovering however, I’ve begun to realise the extent of my recent personal neglect, though still surprised to be experiencing this plethora of consequences.
I’ve been taking small steps to correct the issues for about 2 weeks now, and I’m finally feeling some progress I guess. Thankfully.
Coming into Awareness
I have a tendency to be hard on myself for not performing at a high level, even when situations require otherwise. I always want to do more, help more, study more, clean more, create more, produce more, consider more, provide more, and even be more. I’ve felt this for the past few weeks, ever-growing as my energy was ever-depleting.
The more I pushed, the more my body resisted. I wanted attention. It needed rest, love and care. I needed to start paying attention – instead I tried to blissfully ignore the feelings of burn out build in my body, not understanding how I could feel so defeated from doing less and less.
I had just come home from retreat after all! I was feeling good spiritually, emotionally and mentally, which was enough to carry me for a while. However, when I started to ignore my needs for spiritual, emotional, and mental nourishment, my physical nourishment became erratic too.
At first the bad decisions seemed so forced. I’d be hungry and have limited options. Still, I soon found myself compulsively choosing high-processed, high-sugar foods even when I was home. I blamed myself further for my return to “comfort” or “emotional” eating yet again, when I had been doing so well.
This wasn’t the whole story though. Fortunately I began listening to Charles Esinstein’s The Yoga of Eating and began to understand that my environment was nourishing, or in recent situations, not nourishing me. Furthermore, I realised that the other nourishing habits I had cultivated before had been abandoned as well. I wasn’t simply comfort eating, I was starving for my own comfort and love.
Turning a Corner
In my recent fog I have also largely abandoned my studies and my divination practices. So this morning, reveling in my sense of renewed clarity, I spent some time catching up on celestial movements and my subconscious reflections.
Upon learning that Venus is moving into alignment and crossing the sun this week, as well as that the full moon will be occurring right after, I chose a 3-card spread representing Venus/Sun/Full Moon or Love/Ego/Harvest. I pulled the following fromThe Wild Unknown deck by Kim Krans:
I found the Ace of Wands inverted in the Venus/Love position and the 6 of Cups in the Sun/ego position to mirror the meaning of the Venus Cazimi (transiting through the heart of the sun). Here’s my intuitive reading:
Turn within in love, birthing yourself anew through the radical acceptance and awareness of your ego. Let the part of yourself that remains as a child despite the disciplines, consequences and growing pains of life reemerge and be celebrated. Remember what it is to play and allow yourself to become enraptured by the act of living again. Relearn your Innocence.
In this instance, my Full Moon/Harvest card also plays the Outcome position. Having the sun appear here was exactly the encouragement I needed to go within and face any resistance to self-love, self-nourishment and self-awareness I may have had. I broke.
Crying over the spread, I laughed at the absurd beauty. Grateful for the synchronous connections in my life that are always at work, even despite my own distractions, negligence and imperfect grasping. Marveling yet again at life’s impermanence.
I accepted the invitation to learn from my difficulties these past few weeks and now, to move on. I will embrace my playful innocence and release myself from the judgment of high performance. I will choose to embrace my ego for the beautiful expression of life it can be, rather than allow it to mutate into ever-changing evidence for self-loathing.
It’s time. Time to harvest all that has been manifested since the darkest point of the year, 6 months ago. Time to prepare for the gradual turning inward as the days grow shorter for the next 6 months. It is the Summer Solstice here in the Northern hemisphere and on the Wheel of the Year, this is the node which correlates to the Full Moon energy of our monthly lunar cycles/phases.
Subtle but Saturating Significance
It is a time to reap what we have sown, but also a time to start thinking about the preparations we will need to make for the challenges and tribulations of the long, dark nights to come. This is a day of both celebration and commitment, of both looking back as well as forward. It is a chance to review our progress, reflect on our growth, reorient ourselves with our values and reestablish our devotion.
A powerful day indeed. I for one will be participating in full, with both a sunrise ritual to honor the growth and manifestations in my life these past 6 months, as well as a sunset ritual to dedicate myself to purposeful intentions for the next 6 months.
Decoding the Signs
Already I’ve noticed something quite spectacular about the timing of my rituals today. There is a numerological theme. Both the time of sunrise and sunset here in my hometown reduce to 13/4.
I absolutely LOVE seeing patterns. I don’t believe in accidents or coincidences so they immediately stand out to me as signs and synchronicities. I also have a soft spot for numerology because it was the first form of divination I was ever called to.
This combination of numbers is potent and powerful. The 13 is a karmic number, and though it can often be met with resistance, it symbolizes great transformational potential. 1 is a number representing independence or the individual, and 3 a number of unbridled creativity – together these numbers can indicate that there is a need for personal manifestation.
13 is a call to come into your strength, revoke the excuses or justifications of your past, and step fully into the purpose of your destiny. I’m sure you can see why some might shy away from it. In its challenge for you to grow, there is an acknowledgment of having obstacles or set backs to overcome. For those unwilling to drop their ignorance and accept responsibility for their mastery, this number is an unwelcome and uncomfortable energy. Yet, for those of us already on our path of optimization, 13 is an accelerator, adding fuel to our already molten burning will to change ourselves and the world.
4 is a beautiful number as well, and not as turbulent as the 13. In fact, to some, 4 can be considered quite dull. It is the number of foundation and order.
Following the 13, I do not see this 4 as boring at all though – in fact, I believe it is just the opposite, especially for Summer Solstice. Just as we are putting to rest the chaotic efforts of the waxing energy of the past 6 months and replacing it with the waining energy of devotion and discipline for our purposeful intentions of the next 6 months, the 4 is following/completing the energy of the 13 in similar fashion. How synchronous indeed.
Enjoying the Magnificence
It is in this bliss of recognition that I begin my day and my observance. What a blessing to feel wrapped up in the divine and cosmic tapestry, in which every thread is meticulously and mindfully woven into place. What peace. What assurance. What appreciation and joy.
It is with this resonance of awe that I begin my rituals today, and it is with this same reverence that I will end my rituals this evening as well. In the blessing of a magickal life, I wish you all the same wonder and enchantments of today, for always.
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