I’m always writing. Poetry and philosophy pour out of me continually. If I’m not writing, I’m thinking – usually about writing, poetic impressions or random perspectives – and verbally processing with people if at all possible.
So blogging is easy right?
It’s wierd, but… I don’t always post what I’m writing. Like this poem I wrote early this week:
Haven’t done so much
Wouldn’t call it all that
Rather, fortuitous –
Got good news again
After remembering I’d
Perpetually changing –
Am I too unorganized to
Am I just overwhelmed
I don’t believe any of
Even though they are
Endlessness grasping –
Couldn’t lose hope even if
Can’t ever back down from
Essence permeating –
Channelling my Divinely
Surrendering my fear for
Accepting enlightenment –
Why not post that? Because posting is wierd! No one talks about it but it’s not exactly organic or natural for introverted people like myself… At least I hope I’m not alone on this…
How about this essay from the very next day:
Freedom Through Connection
We are all separate. Right? You are not me, I am not you, I am not even my cats. We are all unique, diverse and distinct from one another.
Your experiences. Your priorities. Your loves. They are not mine, nor mine yours. Right?
Let’s hypothesize for a moment. What would it mean if we weren’t in fact completely separate? What if you and I, and even my cats, are all actually inextricably connected?
Now, let’s clarify what I mean. I do not mean that we share a body, or a mind, or even a vision. Rather, that on the most basic, quantum levels, we are all the same.
What would it mean to be interconnected and interwoven with the rest of existence, this lifetime or any, in these present dimensions as well as all others (even those still largely unfathomable to us), on the most fundamental and I dare say magickal levels?
I further dare to say it would look like all of existence presently does. An unending plethora and variety of possible expressions, unfolding, informing and growing from one another in infinite kaleidoscopic glory.
Nothing you do goes unnoticed by the rest of existence. Not now, not in the future, not even in the past. It is all enmeshed and connected. Your first pet, your favorite color, what you believe and do not believe, all of these little things matter for all time, in every possible way, already – and always have.
Don’t believe me? Fine. Doesn’t make it less true.
I am not talking about the “butterfly effect” here. I am not implying that by choosing to not believe that things are all interconnected and letting this article make you upset or distracted could cause you to hurry past and accidentally bump someone later today who was already having a bad day which leads to them getting angry and subsequently running a red light and hitting someone you know in the intersection… Though connections like that are also all within the realms of possibility.
I’m saying that your individual expression of life adds immeasurable context, flavor and information to the vast matrices of existence. As does mine, and my cats, and even that decaying twig outside. Existence begets existence: all that is must be and because being is, all things that can be will be. Including your absolutely irreplaceable and irreplicable beingness.
You give the gift of yourself to all the rest of life, whether you like it or not. That’s the contract of Existence itself.
However, that doesn’t also mean you don’t have autonomy or free will. In fact, I’m daring again to say that this gives you all the freedom and autonomy you could ever desire.
You can be an example and expression of hate or love, and even of average. You can study science, performing arts or math. You can have children, travel the world or even die young. You are no less valuable to Existence because your experiences will ultimately still inform the whole of Existence. Never again will life exist as the you that you are now because the act of living your life makes this expression of Existence also called “you” known, explored and lived.
Unlike the fractured and egoic intrinsic desperation of humanity to leave a legacy or continue on, Existence itself has no such fear – it continues on, it has no end, it is the ever evolving legacy. It is through this interconnectedness with Existence that we too can evolve to live beyond our fears and experience true freedom.
I am free to be me not in spite of but rather, because of all of you. I can be a strong independent woman because there are weak dependent women (which I have also been, no shame) that create contrasts and textures of Existence from which I can then choose from. I can be a compassionate, loving pet owner because I have loving, albeit somewhat spoiled kitteh babies to inform my knowledge of this expression of identity. I experience being a sister, a lover, a friend and create my own unique participation with life as a result of these impressions – as do we all in our own brilliantly unique ways.
The way I live – deciding to be a writer, creating this blog, challenging common sense – is carving out my own expression of Existence with meaning and potency. My path is not and will never be anyone elses, but it will still educate and inform all else so I am intentional – with everything. I call this “making meaning.”
So tell me, what meaning is your life making? What impressions upon Existence will you be responsible for? In what ways will your quantum fingerprint, so to say, be an identifier and informer for the unending collective?
I see this conscious awareness available on the rich Buddhist meditation practice Tonglen. This practice can be done at two very distinct times: when experiencing great bliss or when enduring great difficulties. Regardless, one begins the meditation the same way, by fully immersing oneself in the emotions of their situation. Completely surrendering to bliss, or conversely, sorrow and pain. However, the intentions will be different. When experiencing great pleasure and bliss, the Tonglen practitioner seeks to experience and integrate it into their own being fully for the benefit of all, sending the blessings and benefits throughout the matrices of Existence. Yet, when experiencing great pain, the practitioner devotes themselves fully to the experience with the intention of sparing all other expressions of Existence from experiencing this same pain.
I find this style of meditation to beautifully illustrate the power of our free will, our unique expressions and our individual lives. Because of all others, we have the power to be ourselves, but that includes the power to choose a life that further informs, blesses and benefits the entire network of life outside of our own. In order to inspire real change, we must quite litterally be the change – dedicating our own existence to the betterment of all Existence.
Blessed be my darlings.
I think a part of the problem, at least recently, is this whole video challenge… Thinking I need to make my post about the video or the video about the post… It’s time consuming enough. It’s taken me almost two weeks to learn how to take a video, upload it to YouTube, embed it in a post and publish it in the same day – and then I encountered being unable to record video on my phone whilst simultaniously reading from Evernote… Not a big deal, but big enough to stall my momentum with spoken word videos.
But, I remembered that I’m making the rules and decided that my blog post and the video don’t have to explicitly relate to one another… Like this random video I took for today:
Something like that is much more accessable than the ideal video I have for this poem I wrote at 3:10am yesterday morning before falling back asleep:
creeping, subtle darkness
wrapping itself around corners
shadows ever dancing
in possibility’s periphery
endless, waving waters
churning, foaming mysteries
enveloping, consuming earth
gritty, uncontained and saturating
she’ll take our light again
penetrating, but never scarring
shapes shifting as they flow
movement’s unconstrained freedom
collecting all our debris again
not drowning, but letting them float
accepting our crimes like our dead
digesting histories, creating futures
wonder at her many marvels
fear her for her unlimited power
those things we hate her for
inspire, intrigue and animate us
forgetting our fragile dependence
while still suckling at her abundance
lucky she is so much more than us
all our greed could never diminish her
she gives for the being taken
allowing our imaginations to refine
she lives among the forsaken
comforting the hunted in her arms
deeper still than the sky is wide
collapsing endlessly into fragments
no matter how we may try to avoid
we all return to her when life leaves us
But, just because I cannot create the perfect film noir inspired video that’s playing in my head for that poem (yet) doesn’t mean that I can’t share it… Right?
So here’s to becoming better at sharing my creativity in the moment and releasing myself from my perfection paralysis even more! But first – I found another poem from this week:
with what comes
never debating the status quo
like you’re blessed
like you’re breathing
Like you’ve got that divine glow
Like you’ve got that magnetic flow, yo
You hearing this?
This bitch done lit
Bout to yeet myself out
before Gen Z takes me down –
Those nihilistic angels
about to tear aristocracy apart –
I love those fucking kids
I’m mad enough to live for them
I’m made enough to get real for them
No more counter-creating
No more limits or hesitating
No more asking why
insted of daring to try
I’m taking leaps
after these bounds
Blowing the sky off
shooting straight for beyond
Who’s coming with me
let’s design the new world
Not separated and incomplete
let’s mend all broken hearts
If we’re gonna die anyway
we decide the point of living
so what game are you playing
What’s the reason
your soul is here taking part
What do you dare to impart