Learning to love: my ego

She makes it easy to dislike her

Hasn’t always been a good woman

Doesn’t believe in settling down

She can be hurtful, demanding and selfish

She’s a heartbreaker without flare

Just honest, but her truth hurts sometimes

She’s fucking brash

Isn’t afraid to speak her mind

Isn’t afraid to not be liked

Isn’t afraid – except to be afraid

She holds her own

Not by engaging in comparison

Not through any form of competition

She’s inglorious


Dangerous to follow

Doesn’t want to be the leader

Still gets cast the fickle hero

Still has to learn to let go

Learning her innocence

Fighting for freedom from her hells

Won’t be pinned down by any devil

Even those dressed as gods

Won’t give up on any rebel

Even those without cause

Won’t sit down or shut up

Even for applause

She’s recklessly but deliciously flawed

Still here for reason

Through phases and seasons

To witness enchantments divine

Playing with the fabric of life

Celebrate the weave of grand design

By feeling it, stroking it, holding it

Making this pleasure mean something

If only to me, or what this ego believes

This will be the legacy of Mayryanna

To seek and find and lose and seek again

To never falter on pushing farther

Beyond her comfort to bliss

Beyond the limitations of yesterday

Into possibility’s endless expanse

Losing herself in repetition

Allowing herself to become life’s rhythms

The music for existence’s dualistic dance

Photos, Poetry, random, spiritual, Thoughts, Video, writing

A glimpse into my life…

My left thigh is tingling and warm

from soft kitten purrs, as loud as they are gentle

He refused to “say cheese” though

The room is cold, here in the basement

as well as quiet, dark and spacious

I can remember when this entire space

was filled floor to ceiling with miscellaneous

I feel connected to it in remarkable ways

And that’s just the basement –

My current home is remarkable


I feel home

Everything feels like home right now

What a difference a few years makes…

I used to be in a bad marriage

I used to be a chronic enabler

I used to recklessly abhor myself

Just years ago…

Don’t get me wrong, and if you read my blog you know

Things aren’t perfect…

They truly are better than perfect

This is why

My unalome/wanderlust mashup tattoo

That is to say, what it represents

They joy of the journey

Remembering to appreciate, even the bad

Even when life is chaos and you can’t breathe

If anything, that got me here

At least from that self-deprecating behavior of my past

But it does go deeper

To a time before I new how to be happy

And only grace got me through that

Om, beloved Divine, quest of my heart

Thank you, thank you, thank you my sweet, sweet loves – my beloveds – my sweet love, my beloved, my endlessly cherished One

In all the ways my devotion has blossomed

I have been endlessly blessed

And if I had not strayed into the depths of hopelessness

Would I have ever known the true heights of bliss