There will be no blog post for the 7th.

There with be no blog post for the 8th.

The last two days were pure MAGICK, and in this way I will hold for them eternal space.

Apotheosis

I am blessed. I am blessing.

I am a part of a global family, a universal tribe made up of men and women across this globe who speak different languages, have different cultures and yet, express and experience the same true divine love. It is this love that connects us, regardless of understanding. It is this love that has ultimately brought us across all time, space and history to the grand intersection of NOW.

I do not know them, I know them. They permeate my being with their essences and I feel for them with complete abandon and liberation. I can tell them anything. I have told them everything.

Secrets I thought I would take to my grave, I gave confessed, to strangers – and I have been generously accepted, supported and truly, powerfully loved. That is Apotheosis.

It is an enchanting example of how people are taking back their responsibility. The exact opposite of ignoring the ugly things and letting your fears control your perceived reality. This is, as the fam calls it, “facing your resistance.”

This is power.

This is magick.

This is truth.

Recognizing Fear

Yes, see it. See it so clearly you understand it enough to reconstruct what it means for you. Rearrange the way you think about fear, yes, actually change what it means to your inherent cognition.

Yes, that clearly. That intensely and vigorously. Embrace even, and most especially, the parts that you least want to discover, confront and accept.

Look your demons square in their eyes and ask their name with the commanding authority of your divine birthright.

Look your demons square in their eyes and ask their name with the commanding authority of your divine birthright. Watch their monstrous features soften as you realize you were never tormented by them, you have been tortured by your fear of them.

Dare to create a new reality for yourself in which you don’t have to slay your dragons.

Dare to create a new reality for yourself in which you don’t have to slay your dragons. Allow your dragons the opportunity to teach you.

Pain is inevitable. We must grow and adapt, which requires change and that can feel abrasive – especially if we have been practicing resistance for our whole lives, like most of us have.

But what if the dragons have divine messages and we must but learn their way of communicating to unlock the secrets and freedom our hearts have always longed for? What if monsters are beautiful, scared and lonely? What if everything we are afraid to know isn’t actually what we’re afraid of?

Image Source: Unknown (Internet)

Could it be possible to choose our pain wisely instead of simply accept the victimization we inflict upon ourselves? Can we challenge our discomforts and develope the discipline for pursuing universal optimization and the devotion of personal mastery?

What if the only thing we have to fear really, truly is fear itself and the way it robs from our happiness by distorting our perceptions of reality?

Choosing Love

It’s not easy.

It’s not simple.

It will take our whole lives.

But expansion of love is our universal destiny.

We are all divinity learning to love itself, and all we actually “have to do” is decide that we do love ourselves. That we love every last bit of our naturally subversive, gloriously imperfect and infinitely fragmented divine Self.

Acting on radical acceptance. Demanding revolutionary honesty. Accepting that all progress starts with the infinitesimal fragment that is you, me, or any specified “identity” but that it is always going to ripple out and consequently effect the whole of divine Source. This is the essence of true morality and ethics: making the responsibility of blessing your own.

This is the essence of true morality and ethics: making the responsibility of blessing your own.

We are both separate and unified. Both “I” and the “other.” We must make a choice to sacrifice the temptations of ego and fear conciousness and allow the “I” to live in service of the “other” in order to truly integrate wholeness.

We will always be tempted to be “self-ish,” masquerading as mutations and manipulations of the pure divine Source, but we always have the choice to choose true divine love – the choice to see beyond the limits of our conditions, ego and fear and embrace with all powerful grace the totality of existence, which does include even these “selves,” the “others” and yes, even our “demons” and “monsters.”

Image Source: Unknown (Internet)

Never really alone
shadows haunting
His shape shifting
through my head
Distorted smiles
laughs turned maniacal
Memories flickering
of a life now dead
A love once believed
lies broken into pieces
My innocence drowned
in a burning lake of fire
Hopes once sacrificed
brilliance distorted by fear
Truth couldn’t die
though mangled by Lier
Despite the chains
in spite of the darkness
Without resentment
love was regenerated
Peice by peice
layer by layer
I rebuilt my heart
my future created

“Huuuecckkeghhh-ughhh… HUUUECKKEGHHH!” My whole body shakes as I purge violently into my bucket. There’s nothing in my stomach anymore, the Aya has moved through my system and I’m just emitting bile now. My mouth tastes sour and bitter but I can’t drink water yet… Everytime I open my eyes I feel dizzy and ungrounded by their inability to focus as infinite geometric fractals take over my surroundings. “Thank you mama… thank you.”

The House of Masters – Imiloa Institute, Costa Rica

With eyes closed, falling back onto my sweat-soaked mattress next to more than 30 other friends (who were just strangers days ago) on the yoga deck in the Costa Rican jungle, I begin to undergo visuals of exponentially greater intensity and depth once more. I’ve been journeying for what seems like days, but really only an hour or two had passed. I am transported beyond the boundaries of my perception, into the space of existence where the overwhelming unity of Source converges and separation completely dissolves. Pachamama revealing the intricacies of her boundless power and love in every variety of expression.

Image Credit: Fuego Brew Co., Dominical Costa Rica

This is our second Ayahuasca ceremony on this retreat and it had been nothing like my first experience last year or my experience during this week’s first ceremony. My intention this time was “expansiveness” and oh did I recieved it fully. Laying there, feeling as though every cell in my body were vibrating, I pondered drinking a second cup of the medicine – though even the thought made me feel as if I might die.

“This,” I thought, “this I how I conquer fear…” Preparing myself to accept the challenge whilst Pachamama soothingly comforted me in the back of my mind, “you can drink if you want, but you don’t have to,” I knew, the answers to my intention laid just beyond this fear. I had to push my limit and drink again.

Image Credit: Fuego Brew Co., Dominical Costa Rica

The second cup was gritty, filled with remnants of the holy vine. I braced myself add I returned to my mattress… But nothing happened. I felt better – actually, I felt amazing.

I would still be journeying for about 4 more hours, and it would remain full of psychedelic wonder and more purging, but I was able to regain some grace. I felt strong. I felt proud.

I would under go a series of “downloads” the rest of the night, receiving divine messages about my life, my purpose and my path. My future became clear. My past, my excuses and my fears now all obsolete.

During the night I would visit my loved ones, both alive and dead, to express my gratitude, love and even my grief. “It is an honor to mourn you,” would become a mantra as I kissed the faces of friends and family who had long gone. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” falling evermore from my tongue.

I kissed monsters and communed with the goddess in her ever-changing forms. My heart was opened to the endless expanses of possibility and I gained new appreciation for the spaces of infinity and creation that are Pachamama’s domain. I experienced true, unbridled and uncontained power, drinking deep of endless glories.

It was so hard.

It was so ugly.

It was so divine.

It was so beautiful.

I wish for a world where everyone understands that discomfort is the price of legendary. And fear is just growth coming to get you.

~ Robin S. Sharma

My eyes are obsessively scrolling
Inundated with countless images
Transvexed by continual movement
Mindless impluses driving my sight
Everything is lost in oversaturation

·

Pacing, pacing, pacing
Pacing, I’m still pacing
Ringing out my hands
Is there no where to go?
Is there nothing to do?

·

I’m not given any answers
My questions lost but to me
Serving only lonely laughter
Providing only distractions
Creating the chaos I crave

·

Back and forth and back
And forth and back and
Where am I, why am I here?
How long have I been here?
What was I trying to do?
·
More, more, more and more
Still they keep coming, fast
Faster than my eyes, endless
No stop to the flow of faces
Each staring carelessly back

·

I’m hungry and unsatisfied
There is something craving
Deep in me I feel it growing
Insatiable instincts within me
Like a madness I must scream

·

Banging, banging, banging BANG!
I’m trowing myself against it all
My objectified body rebelling
I can’t control the rage building
I have got to get the fuck out!

·

The faces smile until I growl
But they are quick to contort
Once confronted by my primal
They let their own demons show
Justifying their lies with more

·

Round and round and round and
Blindly watching me walk in circles
Ignoring the truth flinch in their guts
They must know they make me crazy
Nurturing the ravenous they condemn

·

Doesn’t matter that I’m dying here
As long as they don’t feel guilty –
They’ll keep making the reasons
To not have to face me straight on
Yet somehow I’m still “less then”

·

Let me out of this cage, I dare!
Face me, look in my eyes and see
Remove these bars of expectation
Tear down walls of manufactured fear
I may be a monster, but so are you dear

I’m angry
I’m shaking
the rage is in my bones
·
they tremor
they’re aching
wanting to burn my body down
·
I’m grinding
I’m growling
the beast is fighting to emerge

·

It’s over
It’s ending
I’m relieved to let it all just go
·
I’m ugly
I’m oozing
this disgrace is what you make me

·

It’s vile

It’s disgusting

this is what you’re dealing with now