avoidance was never an option
we all fall, from the very start
            an improvement from crawling
            even if our dream is to run – or fly


it takes the resilience of a child
Innocence’s audacity to dare
            to use bruised limbs to try again
            even cushioned by soft ungrowth


we cry “why me” in ignorance 
privileges taken for granted 
            invisible graces remain unseen
            while we focus on insecurities 


pain is essential for developing 
strength gained under tension
            fighting our future is futile 
            all progress is inevitable 


some mistakes are traumas
some wounds require sutures 
             we’ve got to clean them, deeply
             but it doesn’t mean we stop living


risks we take might break us
fortune may choose to favor us
             regardless, the days will come
             turning to years ever faster


do the scary, dangerous things
they assure us of our matter
             follow with the loving care
             faith in intentional patterns 


we don’t have to know everything
to lean into the security of trust
            not in religion, but heart beats 
            not in government, but breath 


we’ve been given everything 
Infinity itself laying out bare
            there is no value for us to get
            we don’t create within ourselves


choose the hard, wonder full
let’s pay our pain with purpose
             consequences can be strategic 
             don’t settle in complaining

felt you aching
restraining
holding back
your rythm 
stuttering 
shuffling 
staying hidden


it took pain
to break you
open you to 
what love is
what it means
to sacrifice 
happiness –


for mourning 
but that is
commitment 
gonna feel it
getting realer 
grief is that
other side


the cost of
love – missing
experiencing 
even the void
even the ache
even the stutter
even the brake


all because, oh!
love, the love –
gloriously painful 
achingly beautiful 
eternally devastating 
infinitely generating 
divinely inspired 


center of everything –
what can i withhold 
i offer all, trembling 
take my life
take my truth
take my pain
take my hope


your ways stab
straight to soul
beyond to more
deep to core
and you make 
all life’s having
meaningful 

I found happiness 
at the bottom 
of my darkest 
scariest and
hardest 
resistance –
as soon as I
let go of my
fear and expectations 


Drowning in bliss
doesn’t always 
feel all that
pleasant 
but the pain
makes resilient 
my most broken –


Healing in
to bloom
forever
dying just
to grow again 


here
I AM
now


i am 


now
I AM
here


Again to grow
just to die
always
crumbling 
diffusing out –


Brilliance of most
tranquil suffering 
but the joy
difficult –
thinking all
and every way
killing potential highs


Goals and potentialities 
sneakily influence 
if I don’t watch
my mischief –
easiest 
purest and
most beloved
at the center
of what can never be lost

Another old poem, this one written over 4 years ago, still as ever suitable for this time. Isn’t is a wonder? The ageless applications of art…

You don’t have to hide away in there anymore

You’re not blind any longer sweet child –


I know the sun is painfully bright, just feel – crawl outwards

Come out from behind the rock that shields you, adjust your sight


Come, sit next to me in the light, slowly untightening

Feel the warmth, allowing your muscles to loose & limp


As terrifying as it might be, it’s all you’ve ever really wanted

You need it to survive, to grow, & even to die – bliss


*


Come, let us receive life, let us soak it up & recycle the energy

Let us contribute openly, allowing the flow of synergy


Awaken once more with me to witness our grand system

Let us rest here receiving these Divine moments together


I will watch you grow, burst, bloom & unfold

You will see my petals unfurl & my sex exposed


We will celebrate our youth, lust & exploration before yet –

Resting – release, remember, let go – nostalgia for the tainting


*


We will surely grow beyond these selves we now call home

Disengaging places, our ‘ifs’ – back to breaths, dissolving in


Our bones grow weak in supporting, ground to dust again

Our muscles grow weak in their carrying & down we go


Before long we begin to blend, melding together

As each decays we’re less distinguishably me or you


Melting, evaporating, becoming a smaller part of all

Existence reabsorbing our energy – true remembering


          You’re once again close enough to spark, starting –

          Once again, hearts beating in indistinguishable harmony

          Lightning – striking, burning through the blankness


          Ourself – yet again one with Source, the Divine –



& beginning

I will find you – we cannot end

My art mimics my life in strange and beautiful ways. Poetry is the medium through witch I understand the otherwise unimaginable. My philosophy and my poetry are so intertwined, even I cannot find the ends and beginnings – this is one such poem. Written well over a year ago now, it grapples with the inherent, compelling nature of art, in which you feel trapped, fated and overcome by the need to explore, express and exemplify the very ticks of art itself…

Stuck to the back of my throat 

You dangle there, taunting 

I’m used to this now of course

My breaths tripping across you

Coughing and gasping at times

It’s become “no big deal”

Even though it really doesn’t feel right


I keep trying to clear my throat

I want to shake you loose 

I want to spit you out 

Still you cling, sticky and slimy

No matter what I do I can’t get rid of you

You’ve changed the way I sound

Everyone is asking if I’m okay


Plunging fingers down my throat 

I’m going to purge you, I have to to breathe

Still, you lubricate my penetration too much

I gag and gag but find no real relief

It seems you might defeat me

I feel you filling up all my spaces

I fear you will take over and I’ll drown


Am I not already drowning?