Tag: pain

Considerations

sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be a normal woman
to be able to have children
I wonder – if I could than maybe I would want to
maybe I would feel giddy like other girls do when they see a baby

perhaps I would want to hold them and play with them like they do

·

I knew I wasn’t a girl before I knew I couldn’t have kids
I suppose now I feel I’m something of a woman
I’ll never really be either
I’m the not-understandable and the unspeakable
a thing with no name of sorts – it’s all a spectrum anyway
·
I don’t even know what I think about femininity, honestly it’s probably all just a game
people always playing by someone’s rules
might as well make my own if I have to play
so maybe I am rough, and dark, and sometimes mean

but I’m also the sweetest, a powder-puff, a Queen

·

apparently, I can make anything sexual – is that the cost of taking reproduction away?
it’s all about pleasure and I look for it everywhere
in the end I’m extremely glad to have a vagina
and a mind powerful enough to make me cum –

clit so sensitive I can get off on a hum

·

sexuality is considered aggressive, combative
please – I’m just having fun on my own
the furthest thing from causing pain
I’m creating pleasure – I am human after all
why must my joy be so threatening?
·
I didn’t know how to masturbate until I was twenty three

since that time I’ve been much happier

pleasure considered such a dirty thing to the people who raised me

never talked about in any of the churches I was dragged to on Sundays

they did mention fathers stoning their dishonorable daughters to death though

·

I may never have children, unless I adopt
I’ve been told I’m good with kids anyway –
I may not know what it’s like to be a normal woman
yet I know love, and that’s all I hope for anyone: to take care of someone, and to dare for someone –

even if that person ends up being yourself and the people hunting you are desperate because you don’t fit inside the comforts of their limited understanding

Healing through honesty

I had an interesting experience this morning. I thought I had reason to doubt the man I’m seeing. I assumed something I shouldn’t have because of my past experiences and struggled a bit with the emotional response before asking him about it.

Fortunately, though I was tempted, I didn’t tuck it away/run away/let it fester… I gathered as much tranquility and grace as I could muster, in spite of my concern and panic, and simply I asked him point blank. Because of this, he was able to reassure me and comfort me right away.

Image: Internet

His response to my distrust and accusations was something I’ve never experienced before… He didn’t get defensive, he didn’t yell, he didn’t throw it back in my face, turn things around on me or make me feel guilty for my concerns and doubts… He calmly addressed them, explained the situation to me and then gently held me while I processed through everything.

What a man ❤

I am so grateful for this experience because it allowed me to heal traumas I didn’t even know I had. I was able to go from panic fulled distrust to a deeper level of intimacy than I’ve ever experienced with someone, in just a matter of minutes. Now that’s what I call alchemy.