Thoughts

Rewilding My Destiny

Showing up for the Yin yoga class my sister teaches at our local wellness center last night, I was cheerfully greeted by one of my Kundalini teachers at the front desk. “Oh Mayry! I’m so glad you’re here, it’s so good to see you!” Her smile was so big her eyes scrunched together to make room.

Now, this isn’t uncommon for the vibes at Taspens, but last night was also special because I had just officially registered for the Kundalini teacher training course they will be offering in the fall. I beamed right back at her, filled with joy and excitement for being a part of this incredible local tribe.

I was a bit early for the Yin class and began some light conversation. The owner of Taspens and a woman I consider a personal guru of mine joined in as well. She also teaches Kundalini and was excited to let me know a few of my next steps.

“I’ll schedule a call with the teacher for you, to discuss a few things,” she said, and then went on to mention the mandatory Saturday Sadhana practices during the course and signing the code of conduct at the end to get our certification. I nodded along in agreement, smiling.

Suddenly, my attention shifted though, “the code is essentially a commitment to the yogic lifestyle. So, trying for a vegetarian diet, abstaining from drugs…” Right there, “uh oh,” I thought as I shifted uneasily on my feet.

Honoring My Truth

I have been leaning vegetarian for the last dozen years but, no drugs? Given that I just found my hag stone after my plant medicine retreat in June and, according to my own personal beliefs, have thus been officially called to the Shamanic path, I worried this might actually be a problem.

“So…” I started, interrupting the flow of chatter between the teachers, “if I were unable to sign the code because I’ve been called to the Shamanic path, would I still be able to take the course?” I asked, nervously.

Shamanism is a part of my path for sure, but I’ve also been called to Kundalini. Not being able to reconcile the too seemed completely wrong – Pachamama had come to me through Ayahuasca AND through Kundalini, how could they be opposed?

“Yes,” both teachers exclaimed, looking at me and then each other, then back at me. They started, “and it’s just about trying your best, we understand some people have to eat meat for medical reasons… Maybe just try it for 40 days, you might be surprised…”

I cut in again, “I have no problem with the diet, it’s just that… I am called to the utilization of ‘drugs’ on a ceremonial basis for medicinal and religious purposes.” They seemed to finally understand what I meant now, their eyes widening to fully ingest what I was saying. “Oh, no, well – he just wants to get everything out in the open up front so there are no suprises when it’s time to sign the code… But, you will talk to him so you can mention that. If at the end you don’t sign, that will always be your choice to make.” My guru finished, half-smiling.

The big smile returned to my face and both teachers responded with large smiles blooming across theirs as well. “Okay awesome,” I sighed, relieved.

Embracing the Unknown

Now, some may wonder, “what’s the point of taking Kundalini teacher training if you know you won’t be able to get certified?!” And honestly, I don’t blame them.

In this world of achievement laden “value,” it would seem I am setting out to rob myself. After all, the certification is the reason for undergoing any professional training, is it not? Well, I suppose it’s not for me.

Some might say I should just lie, or withhold the truth, sign the code anyway. Others might tell me I need to really consider the code and whether I truly feel called to both of these seemingly “contradictory” paths, or even something to the tune of “perhaps your plant medicine experiences are behind you and this is the next step in your development?” To be sure, I’ve thought all these things for myself already too.

But, I cannot lie. Fundamentally, my commitment to authenticity and truth is what has aligned me with my path, and subsequently both of these paths too. And undoubtedly, I feel beyond called to both of them, I am already connected and intertwined with them spiritually. Finally, given the parts that plant medicine has played in my past, I cannot in good consciousness banish all plant medicines from my life in the future – regardless of how well meaning my intention is in doing so.

No, the mental gymnastics to be done here are not to rectify me to the norm – it’s the opposite. I will be a Kundalini Shaman and I will learn to walk this line with grace and appreciation.

Letting Mayryanna Bloom

Somehow it all seems better suited anyway… I’m not just a guru, I’m a Rockstar Guru. I’m not just a yogi, I’m a Rebel Yogi. I’m not just a Shaman, I’m an Modern Eclectic Pagan Medicine Woman who researches and utilizes a variety of ancient spiritual healing modalities to live my authentically powerful life to the fullest – all without shame, malice or discontentment.

I don’t need a certificate. I will proudly slap “Unofficial” to the front of my teacher title and gratefully explain my why to everyone who cares.

This “inconvenient truth” will not detract from me at all, no. This will only empower me more. By allowing myself unpopular distinctions, I will emerge unparalleled.

By allowing myself unpopular distinctions, I will emerge unparalleled.

So, after some careful reflections and considerations, I’m even more excited to study Kundalini now! Certification shmertification – nothing compares to a soul that fully embraces its fate, inconveniences and all (shout out to Nietzsche for his concept of Amor Fati). I am simply grateful for the opportunity to learn, to grow and to further become this gloriously inglorious woman: Mayryanna.

Thoughts

Monthly Planning

July begins Monday. How exciting! Not for any particular reason, but I do love beginning anew.

I’ve had the habit in the past of keeping up with monthly, weekly and daily planning. It always helped keep me on track much better than flying by the seat of my pants. Still, life is life and it gets away for you, so it’s been a few months since I’ve been able to thoroughly plan.

Not this July though. I’ve got plans.

First up: videos. I’ve been challenged to do a month of stream-of-consciousness videos by a friend and mentor of mine. I decided to wait out the turbulence of this past month with all it’s excitement and my subsequent struggles, but I’m excited to get to it. I’ve decided that posting them to the blog will be a great way of renewing my vitality here too, officially beginning the second half of the year of my commitment to daily blogging!

This upcoming month of videos will be very different from the videos I did for April. Those videos were undefined and the goal was simply to get a video out each day. I learned a lot doing that, but this will go a bit beyond that goal, as this time around I will be speaking from the heart straight into the camera… I anticipate many new lessons!

Secondly: I am going to be starting a workout challenge with my sister. I’m very excited about this as I always do better at challenges when I have accountability. It’ll be fun to be working from set workouts as well, as my self-inspired workouts can get a bit boring and repetitive after a while.

Thirdly: I will be carving out more time for my own studies, projects and collaborations. I’ve learned that I need to set aside specific time for these goals or they get pushed to the side again and again. I’m excited for the opportunities this will create but also know it will be difficult – yay for opportunities to grow!

Lastly: I’m beginning another 40-day Sadhana tomorrow that will run the entire course of July, finishing the 8th of August. My focus for this commitment will be strengthening and purifying my will. I will be utilizing the Nabhi kriya as well as the Mul Mantra in conjunction with personal Reiki to center, clarify and inspire my personal power.

To kick off the month, I have yoga and meditation scheduled at my local studio and healing center. Attending classes has also fallen by the wayside recently, so this will be a nice way of getting myself back in the door and setting a precedent for the coming month.

I’m telling all of you this because this blog and many of my readers have become invaluable source of accountability for me. I do not anticipate being perfect at all of these goals, but I’m excited to have them. I’m excited for a month of coming back to my practices and reinvigorating my commitments.

Cheers to July! It’s gonna be so hard, and so much fun!