the witching hour
That time of night
when the air softens
I’m tired but restless
tossing in my bed
decide to surrender
is blowing hard
The cats crazy
feeling what I do
Chimes relentlessly whip
tree branches smacking
sure sounds wickedly wild
only just this night
longs for intention
Sky a deeply pierced black
punctured by starlight
lulling out the magick
the helpless call
Siren of soul
drawing Spirit on
To dance? To sing? To scream?
All and even more
as I’m enchanted whole
I started vow of silence on Wednesday. Until the night of my performance, I am not vocally communicating with others.
I am writing. I am making noises. I am talking to my cats, singing to myself and practicing my set in private (my musician is the only one who is going to be hearing my voice this month).
Mostly though, for this month, I’m exploring my silence. So far, it’s already been quite illuminating.
I’ve learned vocal reaction and response can happen long before any conscious choice/decision, much of it is automatic and conditioned. Another lesson I’m a bit more surprised by, is my ability to over complicate and be excessive even in nonverbal communication.
The latter has looked like chaotic body movements or tantrums of non-linguistic sounds and facial expressions. The former has mostly been knee jerk, “trash” or throw away “habit” responses. For example, never before have I realized the extent of my nervous humor before!
Though these insights are sure to be useful, what I’m really most excited about for this journey are my intentions. The first is honestly akin to “becoming less reactive,” but feels more rightly defined as “creating space between stimuli and response.”
Often I get overly excited by communication, especially when it’s about things I actually care about, and in that excitement-oriented mania I lose sight of the purpose of communication. So, in part, this vow is about increasing the value of my own communication. I plan to do this, not by eliminating my responses, but by allowing myself the time to curate and design them with more care and consideration.
Secondly, and similarly, I am attempting to train what I’ve come to call “verbal processing” out of my communication habits. I have found myself able to talk topics in circles, in order to imagine and explmore every perspective, often even playing “devil’s advocate” just to ensure no view point is left behind.
Honestly, I find verbal processing fun. That’s why it’s become a habit. Still, it does nothing for the potency and power of my words.
Ultimately, my purpose will require I do my “verbal processing” internally, so that when I do speak, the thoughts I am presenting are a collected and cohesive whole. This will provide others the gems of my experience and analysis without having to muddle through the garbage to get them. Again, increasing the value of my spoken word.
Finally, and perhaps most fun, I am exploring rewilding my voice for a few creative projects. This is why I am allowing myself to make non-linguistic sounds.
So far I have been absolutely delighted by one occasion of non-verbal sound exploding from myself. I growled and grunted and clicked, utilizing my physical form, movement and every muscle in my face to communicate my intentions.
It felt wild.
It felt really, really, really good.
I am so excited that I am just 3 days in and have so much more time to explore the silence. Who knows what my voice will actually be like on the other side?! But, I am sure excited to find out!
I love this day! It’s considered quite lucky in my family too. I’m actually going gambling with my grandma, aunt and uncle to celebrate today because we consider it THAT lucky.
My grandfather was born the 13th of March and subsequently loved the number. All of us have followed suit.
I actually have a 13 tattooed on my left arm. Though, the meaning behind it had admittedly evolved past grandpa’s favorite number for me.
Since reclaiming my pagan roots, I have begun to learn so much more about the power of 13. It is highly feminine and also associated with the lunar calendar, with there being 13 lunar cycles each solar year.
Equally, Friday has been regarded as feminine for mellinia, associated with goddesses like Venus and Freya. Combined, Friday the 13th is a powerful day for the feminine, and from what I’ve gathered over the past few years, that’s precisely why its been considered subversive or unlucky for so long now too. Is it really that surprising though, given that theme for the majority of written history?
I hope that this little post gives you something to think about today and a few reasons to reclaim Friday the 13th for yourself again too. For now, I’m off to win big! Blessed be!
There will be no blog post for the 7th.
There with be no blog post for the 8th.
The last two days were pure MAGICK, and in this way I will hold for them eternal space.
I am blessed. I am blessing.
I am a part of a global family, a universal tribe made up of men and women across this globe who speak different languages, have different cultures and yet, express and experience the same true divine love. It is this love that connects us, regardless of understanding. It is this love that has ultimately brought us across all time, space and history to the grand intersection of NOW.
I do not know them, I know them. They permeate my being with their essences and I feel for them with complete abandon and liberation. I can tell them anything. I have told them everything.
Secrets I thought I would take to my grave, I gave confessed, to strangers – and I have been generously accepted, supported and truly, powerfully loved. That is Apotheosis.
It is an enchanting example of how people are taking back their responsibility. The exact opposite of ignoring the ugly things and letting your fears control your perceived reality. This is, as the fam calls it, “facing your resistance.”
This is power.
This is magick.
This is truth.
Yes, see it. See it so clearly you understand it enough to reconstruct what it means for you. Rearrange the way you think about fear, yes, actually change what it means to your inherent cognition.
Yes, that clearly. That intensely and vigorously. Embrace even, and most especially, the parts that you least want to discover, confront and accept.
Look your demons square in their eyes and ask their name with the commanding authority of your divine birthright.
Look your demons square in their eyes and ask their name with the commanding authority of your divine birthright. Watch their monstrous features soften as you realize you were never tormented by them, you have been tortured by your fear of them.
Dare to create a new reality for yourself in which you don’t have to slay your dragons.
Dare to create a new reality for yourself in which you don’t have to slay your dragons. Allow your dragons the opportunity to teach you.
Pain is inevitable. We must grow and adapt, which requires change and that can feel abrasive – especially if we have been practicing resistance for our whole lives, like most of us have.
But what if the dragons have divine messages and we must but learn their way of communicating to unlock the secrets and freedom our hearts have always longed for? What if monsters are beautiful, scared and lonely? What if everything we are afraid to know isn’t actually what we’re afraid of?
Could it be possible to choose our pain wisely instead of simply accept the victimization we inflict upon ourselves? Can we challenge our discomforts and develope the discipline for pursuing universal optimization and the devotion of personal mastery?
What if the only thing we have to fear really, truly is fear itself and the way it robs from our happiness by distorting our perceptions of reality?
It’s not easy.
It’s not simple.
It will take our whole lives.
But expansion of love is our universal destiny.
We are all divinity learning to love itself, and all we actually “have to do” is decide that we do love ourselves. That we love every last bit of our naturally subversive, gloriously imperfect and infinitely fragmented divine Self.
Acting on radical acceptance. Demanding revolutionary honesty. Accepting that all progress starts with the infinitesimal fragment that is you, me, or any specified “identity” but that it is always going to ripple out and consequently effect the whole of divine Source. This is the essence of true morality and ethics: making the responsibility of blessing your own.
This is the essence of true morality and ethics: making the responsibility of blessing your own.
We are both separate and unified. Both “I” and the “other.” We must make a choice to sacrifice the temptations of ego and fear conciousness and allow the “I” to live in service of the “other” in order to truly integrate wholeness.
We will always be tempted to be “self-ish,” masquerading as mutations and manipulations of the pure divine Source, but we always have the choice to choose true divine love – the choice to see beyond the limits of our conditions, ego and fear and embrace with all powerful grace the totality of existence, which does include even these “selves,” the “others” and yes, even our “demons” and “monsters.”