Tag: Thoughts

Insatiable Curiosity

Sitting on grandma’s couch, I’m distracted from the Hallmark channel romance playing on the television. “I need to dedicate a few weeks to the Amor Fati course, at least, then I can start my Astrology course…” The thoughts are scattered as I check emails and direct messages I haven’t gotten to yet today.

I consider writing myself a schedule, but I don’t end up getting to it before remembering I need to write a blog post today. Feeling somewhat uninspired, or perhaps just still distracted, I open my Paperblanks app for some help. Of course, the prompt that then jumps up on my screen makes me laugh a bit, “I want to learn more about…”

Well then. I guess it’s a theme tonight – my curiosity will in fact get the best of me after all.

I want to learn, A LOT. I already know I’ll be learning my whole life, but I’m not waiting to get started!

I’m passionate about many things, and fascinated by even more. Along with philosophy and astrology, I also want to learn more about herbalism, shamanism, neuro linguistic programming, cognitive behavioral therapy, and various yoga practices. I’ve already started learning Reiki and am a level 2 practitioner, but I want to wait to finish my Master certification so I have time to develop my personal and professional energy healing practice first.

I also want to read, so much. Some of my current favorite authors are Pema Chodron, Alan Watts and Charles Eisenstein, but I have several books waiting to be read on my shelves by many others too.

Sometimes I feel the pressure of time, sometimes it feels like I will never have the chance to explore all the caverns my mind wants so desperately to venture down – but, I suppose that’s better than being bored and uninspired right? I’m certainly content to give it my best try!

Best Laid Plans

I had a great Solstice yesterday. Basically, nothing went according to my plans, yet somehow, that’s okay. It’s also unsurprising.

While I did make it out to greet the sun at sunrise, the unseasonably wet and cold weather here in Colorado had me imagining the light through the overcast sky and foggy mountains. I also didn’t lay all of my tools out for charging outside, as thunderstorms were on the forecast and it became obvious they weren’t going to be an inaccurate prediction. I again got creative and chose to charge everything indoors, in front of my “Sun” tapestry.

Stones and crystals charging by “The Sun”

Such is life right? We make plans, we have disruptions or get new information, we adjust. Flexibility is the joy of reality, as long as we’re not resisting.

It wasn’t until later in the day, after a wonderful time at the hot springs for my mom’s birthday, that I realised I wouldn’t be home in time for my sunset ritual and began to feel my control-freakery start rearing its head. I recognized it, I felt it, and then I let it pass. I chose to remain grateful for the time my family all got to experience together and how happy that had made my mom.

Still, I was all to aware as we drove home as the clock ticked ever closer to the time of sunset… Until, all too perfectly, my sister who’s home visiting from living internationally, began a conversation about what had transpired in the last 10 months since she’d been in the states. My youngest sister started, and then I followed, only focusing on the last 8 months since I had visited my sister while in Europe this past fall.

I was deep in review, detailing the focuses and events that had transpired, when I noticed the time again. It was right when I had been wanting to hold ritual. I had to laugh a bit to myself, as I felt the tension of my desire for control slowly unconstrict the back of my neck.

In my recollection of the past 8 months with my sisters, I organically reviewed the past 6 in more detail than I had done for myself. I had the opportunity to truly appreciate the trials and challenges, as well as check-points and accomplishments, and I found myself marveling at my own journey. In this way, I got my ritual – the exact ritual I needed, even if it wasn’t a ritual of my own design.

This is one of my greatest joys as a Pagan, and a lesson I keep getting the opportunity to learn: my purpose isn’t something I need to do, it’s a part of my intrinsic being. In a world where we are constantly asked to justify our existence though, this can be so hard! When you meet someone, they ask “what do you do,” not “how do you choose to be?”

Yet, despite social expectations, and perhaps even in spite of current cultural norms, the universe does give us subtle reminders of our beingness. Through the little things, like noticing numerological patterns or finding ourselves lost in the perfect conversation at just the right time, we get to escape from the pressure of “having it all together” and get to experience the grace of divinity as it carries us through.

I’m so grateful for this reminder. I’m so thankful that my rituals ended up being infused with the inconvenient and uncontrollable flair of reality. I’m also thankful that I get to be the slightly obsessive and thoroughly eccentric ME who can acknowledge and appreciate imperfections as opportunities rather than defeats.