I remember the feeling, like jagged claws tearing at my throat. Desperation, both to reveal as well as to hide. Chaos.
“I will be rejected… How could anyone love or accept me if they know my truth?! The whole Truth!? Even those things I won’t let myself think about because of the pain of my own self-rejection?? There is no way!”
How Truth Became Our Enemy
This reaction to vulnerability and honesty isn’t that uncommon. Even online amidst the constant stream of “personal” social media content, people aren’t expressing what they are experiencing… people are expressing their interpretations of what they believe others want to see them experiencing.
Let’s face it, even a luxury vacation has its mundane waiting-in-the-airport-with-a-bunch-of-strangers moments of reality, and even the deepest grief is only attained by those who truly loved, therefore even it has it’s own silver lining. Life is not the highlight reel we wish to present clean-cut and edited to others, but it is also not only the behind the scenes madness and mess either.
The real problem is, we’ve lost all sense of balance. We’re more concerned with looking than being, more anxious about how we are perceived than our actual character and so distracted by other’s peacocking we can’t even see the damage we’re doing to society or the conditions we are co-creating for ourselves and those we love.
Truth isn’t in these extremes, it’s the balance of them. By seeking to emulate only pleasure and mitigate only pain, we have compromised the integrity of our lives.
The Double-Edged Sword
Yes, most things in life are a spectrum. There are extremes at each end of every spectrum, and their existence must be acknowledged as a truth right?
Yes and no, because without the information of the entire spectrum, their selective truth is lost. The whole Truth is the balance point – the place in which all actualities are honored – dead center, fully amidst and not separated from All.
This is why I believe Truth is talked about as a “double-edged sword,” because it’s always asking us to consider the other. Truth acknowledges the blind spots of our personal biases. Placed at the balance point it reflects and refines both extremes at/with one another.
Truth is not “rightness,” which is itself subjective to the perspective and position of whomever decided what was “right.” Truth is the objective grace in which reality exists – whether we like it our not, and including all those things we’d rather ignore, condemn and forget.
Taking the Most Potent Medicine
Perhaps this is why the Truth is also known as “a hard pill to swallow.” It is rare that we can deal honestly and not have to make allowances for others or different perspectives. Truth often requires sacrificing our own “rightness.”
Putting our “best face” forward is just a way of protecting ourselves from the Truth. It doesn’t serve us beyond our vanity. In fact, by limiting what we allow of ourselves in the world, we are devaluing our own lives.
Perhaps this is the real cause of the rampant mental “illnesses” and “disorders” in modern times – we have dissociated ourselves from reality. We are told not to feel “bad” things and plaster “good vibes only” stickers all over our hydro flasks but NOT our Teslas because OMG how would that look?!
The fact is, you are not always happy – and that’s okay!! In fact, I think that’s great! I’m out here living as a flawed human in a mad-scientist’s plastic Barbie dream world and let me just say, the REALNESS IS REFRESHING!
Simply: it’s not all about You
Yea, I said it: Truth isn’t what you, or I or any one individual can conceptualize on our own. It’s there waiting, regardless of all the “rightness” we have to wade through to find it, but it is never swayed by our extreme and desperate attempts to control it.
That’s why, no matter how many smiling selfies you put up on Instagram, you still have to deal with the behind the scenes drama that makes you frown. Run as fast, hard and far as you want – you’ll never escape it. Truth is Truth is Truth, it can be nothing else; it has no fear and requires no justification, it just is.
It’s the resistance that is stealing from you, not Truth. The Truth is you – you can be nothing else – and if your choice is to fight the Truth, you only end up fighting yourself.
Too many people are doing this. Too many people are living lives they think others expect and want them to live rather than their authentic life’s expression – and despite the masks of their vanity, they are suffering.
Your choice to be authentic will bless you, but it will also bless others. By being vulnerable and honest ourselves, we create that example for everyone else in our lives too. As much as you may be willing to silently suffer for the sake of appearances, is this type of social behavior really what we want for our loved ones?
Having the Strength to be Weak
I haven’t lived a fully authentic life. I myself didn’t even realize the games I was playing until just a few years ago. Since then, by fully committing to my authenticity, I have revealed my deepest, darkest secrets to myself, my loved one’s and even strangers… To my surprise and delight, no one has rejected or condemned me in the ways I had already been attacking myself.
Instead of being put off by my authenticity, people have been encouraged by it. Instead of judging my imperfections, people are finding commonalities and connection with my raw and real story. What’s best though is seeing the power of my vulnerability at work in the lives of others, actually helping them to accept themselves more fully as well.
What is the point of being the “happiest-looking miserable human?” We are so much more than our vanity, fear and “rightness.” Together we represent the fullness of life – the good, the bad and the balance point of Truth that allows for all of living.
Here’s to hoping I continue to meet more and more of you at the Source Center; may we all learn to accept and love ourselves fully, that we might help others to do the same. Blessed Be Beloveds!